Wow, I get asked this question on a daily basis---there is no one set formula, but there are proven strategies that can work for you.
I was out to dinner with 3 couples last night---and guess how they all met? We laughed as of course it was online! Once couple has been married 25 years and met in the early Match.com years. Couple #2, together 6 years, giggled about Tinder---a second marriage for both. The last couple (guess who) approached six men in 10 days with fun, direct messages---and yes, number 6 was it for me. (oh, after 5 years of not dating post-divorce).
So, is it luck, work or just the right site at the right time?
7 Tips and Tricks:
1. Writing a Dating Profile For women, the shorter your profile, the better. For men, the more information the better. Think about it: (not that I’m being sexist, just sharing my experiences as an online dating coach for almost 30 years) ---Men get to the point quicker and don’t want to read a long, flowery history of your life. Think Men’s Magazines. There’s a reasons editors write in blurbs or bullet points---it’s the attention span. Women, on the other hand, like plenty of information up front.
2. Make it unique. I’m looking for a LTR with a gentleman who is…………..Ok, I’m falling asleep just typing this. Here’s one partial profile a male client and I laughed over yesterday and sent her a message immediately: “……..starts as friends with sparks and becomes best friends with fireworks - Dr Seuss quote “ We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual Weirdness and call it love!” They have a date tomorrow.
3. Oh, those photos Matter! Action works. Posing not so much. A reader: sitting on the floor at a Barnes and Noble with his favorite books stacked around him. A cook: at her pasta press making fettucine. A swimmer: action shot off a diving board.
A grandpa: teaching his grandchildren how to make tamales. Ok, you must have a lovely head shot too---and we know if its been photoshopped and filtered. Don’t forget to date your photos---June 2023. Christmas 2022. We all want to see the current you.
4. Always send a message even if you are on the fence What do I mean? Let’s say you are 50/50 on someone---send a message as it does not hurt and worst case, you’ll get a bit more info. No likes, hearts, winks. Waste of time.
5. I’ve been online 5 nights this week and nothing. Ok, my first question is: How many messages did you send? Generally, it’s “oh I was just looking and there is no one”. Wrong attitude. Why when I as your online dating coach go online together each week do we find 5-8 singles to message? Zero action equals zero dates.
6. Don’t be shy Ok, there are no rules here. You needn’t send 3 messages each, then ask for a phone number, then make a date. A Stanford study shows that from the time you reach out to a person to the first date/meet, no more than 5 days should pass or the likelihood of a date drops to under 15%. Whew!
Everyone online wants to meet someone---so be graciously direct! Here’s some examples of first messages:
“Hey Henry, you have an adorable puppy! Bon Jovi is my golden, 2 years old and rocks. I’m into archery too---actually a tournament tomorrow. Should we skip the calls and meet for a glass of red Sunday afternoon? I’m interested—Warmly, Carrie”
“Missy, your photos are so happy and your daughters look just like you. I can’t believe you live in Chevy Chase---you’re my neighbor and you bike and we’ve never run into each other. Would you be up for a coffee this weekend---or a bike ride? Matt”
7. This is NOT a full-time job Keep online dating fun---but schedule it. I recommend 3-4 times per week, for 30 minutes each time. With one big caveat: during that 30-minutes, send 5 new messages. This gives you accountability….and dates!
Have a happy weekend and fun dating!
Andrea McGinty Founder, 33000Dates Founder, It’s Just Lunch (sold)
Dating Consulting Services and help with writing an online dating profile