Working with singles for almost 25 years, it never ceases to amaze me what single men say about women, and of course, what single woman say about men.
As much of my work is helping with online dating profiles, the observations from women and their insight into online dating can be helpful to male singles. Of course, in the past few years the Bumble* dating app has come on the market, giving this site more of a feminist slant----or just bit more friendly for single women to use.
With approximately 35,000 + clients that I’ve now worked with (half women of course) here are a few Online Dating Tips for Men:
1. The number one item, gentlemen, to gain traction on your online dating profile is…..NOT your profile. It’s your first photo! While you may have posted only one (don’t) or 15 (another don’t), make sure that first photo is an attention grabber. High resolution, big smile!
2. 1. To continue with the online dating photos, no selfies----unless no one can tell it’s a selfie. Pretty hard to do this, huh? I’ll continue here with the magic rule of thumb is 5-8 photos. For more on photos, download our eBook for the whole scoop on dating photos that yield results----the kind of women you’d like to meet. (the eBook has tons of tips on photos!!!)
3. About you: Say something! Even if it’s 4-5 bullet points about you. Female clients constantly show me a photo of a geographically desirable male, age appropriate with no written words! I had a pretty 29-year-old female artist last week show me 6 photos of men ages 30-40 that she thought looked attractive---but they had no bio. Zip. Zilch. She quickly moved on. You don’t want to be skipped over!
4. No cut and paste. Or copy and paste. Thus, a response from you after viewing a female dater’s profile such as
· Gorgeous smile. Let’s get together!
· Hey beautiful, what are you up to this weekend?
· Saw you like red wine. Want to come see my 500 bottle cellar this weekend?
Ugh. The above are real responses. My female clients repeatedly get these impersonal texts----from intelligent looking men, with good degrees from good colleges! Guys, these just don’t fly!
5. Write a good response via the dating site/app if you’re interested…. after you’ve read her profile and looked at all her photos. Keep it 3-5 lines (short, sweet and personalized is best!). Here’s a few real responses (I changed the names):
Example 1: Good morning, Amy and happy Thursday. I hope this finds you doing well. Love that you enjoy Istanbul---it’s one of the places on my bucket list. I love your eyes by the way and your puppy. Is that a golden retriever?
(He obviously read her dating profile, addressed her by name, made a comment about her puppy and ended with a question! And the love your eyes part was sincere and not cheesy. Guess what---he’s dating my client Chelsey now!)
Example 2: Hi Ella, so you lived in San Francisco before Boston? I’m headed there this weekend to do a fundraiser for a memorial event and visit a few friends. How are you liking Boston? I grew up here and do quite a bit of sailing though you sound like a better sailor. What are you up to this weekend? I’d love to FT for 5 minutes next week and if you’d like, grab brunch. Thanks!
Example 3 (from Bumble where my client Lauren reached out first): Hi Lauren, thanks for connecting! I also love good food and your profile made me hungry with Italian dishes. I also love to travel---as soon as COVID-19 clears planning a trip this summer to Sweden and Iceland. While I love Vegas, I spend my summers in Boulder, Co. Like your pictures and profile. Would you like to meet up for a drink later this week? My cell is (000)555-5555 and I’m looking forward to meeting you in person after a short chat. Oh yes, my photos are all in the past 18 mos and I am truly 6’1. Look forward to hearing from you!
(yes, Lauren did meet him for a drink which led to dinner. She thought it was sweet he told her he was truly 6’1 as she’s 5’11 and she has told me she’s a bit self-conscious about her height! They’ve been dating for 7 months now…. his response was a bit long but showed genuine interest!)
6. By now you’ve exchanged a few get to know you, fun, light, flirty texts and had a 5–10-minute FT/Video Chat. You’ve seen her eyes, smile, face, mannerisms----enough! Time to set up a real date. In. Real. Life. Suggest a place for brunch and meet her. Going beyond 5-10 minutes on FT can raise expectations…. plus who needs another text buddy? No need to log hours on the phone.
You’re looking to date, maybe find a steady relationship, maybe find the lifelong. Have fun and view this as an adventure with a positive, self-confident attitude. As many say, it’s all about the journey, not the destination!