Every day I talk with new and existing clients and review new clients online profiles to help them choose their matches as a dating coach and see the following:
1. Clients writing down the type of person they want to meet and reviewing new date profiles without any real thought.
For example, I can't tell you how many times I've seen Jewish clients write down that they want to meet someone who is Jewish (same applies with Catholics and other religions). When I asked them if their religion is an important part of their lives, they say "no," but they have always dated people from that religion!!
2. Conversely, I sometimes see people who say they don't want to date someone from XYZ religion because they were married to someone from that religion and divorced!! [really? is that the reason you got divorced]. Generally, I’m told no.
And while I'm using Religion as an example, I see the same thing with Education, Career, Money, etc.
Bottom line: too many people write profiles (and look at potential new dates) by simply describing the people they've always dated (or describing someone who is opposite of their last relationship) without really thinking about what is important to them and instead simply look for the same people they have always dated.
3. But here is the truth: What is truly important to you in your 50s (or 40s or 60s) is likely not the same as it was 20 year before. That doesn't mean priorities might be the same for some people, but for most people priorities have changed. For example, I have clients who had big houses and fancy cars in their 40s and 50s, but who now value health, sports and travel. And clients who always dated "Ivy League" graduates but who now realize kindness, health and interest in trying new things is more important than where someone went to college 40+ years ago.
4. And writing your profile and reviewing potential first dates is the perfect time to really think about what is important to you today and what you think will be important to you over the next 20 years. It helps to write down traits you are looking for before talking to me----versus I want an Ivy-educated person, X religion and must have children away from home. Think of all you want to do in this stage of your life---and the next 20 years and reset your thinking.
Remember: You are unlikely to live your life the same way in the last 1/3 of your adult life as you did in the first 1/3 of your adult life.....so maybe the person you want to spend that time with is also different.
Just a thought for the day
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