Good morning! This was written (and not edited by me) by my client Nav, a 57-year-old doctor in Nashville. This is my favorite monthly column when I hear directly from a client on what their experience was like with online dating and working with me---and how it all turned out.
I’ll let Nav tell his story:
1. What was it like to be single after being married so long?
It was a bit disconcerting. Having been married for 28 years and then suddenly be thrown into a reality where you are entering the dating world in a different decade and having to juggle multiple responsibilities (career, kid). The nice thing was now you had the means to enjoy the nicer things in life, but time management became much more of a factor. Balancing a busy career and dating was a challenge.
2. What made you decide to call a dating coach?
I remembered an article written in the WSJ about professional individuals who like myself found themselves thrown into the dating scene for which they were wholly unprepared. They had found that a dating coach was very helpful to navigate the new reality they found themselves in. I interviewed a few coaches I had found online and Andrea seemed to be the most down to earth and informative. She took the time to find out what I was looking for in a partner, narrowed down the choices of which dating apps would be the most helpful in that search and helped me write an essay and choose the pictures that would give me the best chances of being successful on the online dating scene.
Andrea was also was very helpful with the dating process itself after I had gone live online. With her vast experience and knowledge working with thousands of singles (both men& women) she provided valuable insight into how women think, how they react to situations differently then men.
It was liking having radar on a plane. She was able to reliably forecast how my dates would proceed and guide me during my journey.
3. How many dates did you go on since single and any funny or weird stories? Did you ever want to give up on dating or online dating?
Went on several dates with women I met either at work or friends/coworkers had arranged. Went out with about 8 or 9 women I met through the dating apps (only tried Bumble).
Some interesting stories:
Golf girl: my profile clearly stated I loved the mountains, active adventures , and Golf. Spoke with a woman on the phone (Thru Bumble where the woman initiates the contact) who proceeded to talk nonstop for 45” ( I got 12 words in…I counted). She related to me that she is a beach person who hates the mountains, Golf is a boring sport (she actually said I would rather watch paint dry) and would rather sit by the pool than do anything active. I was thinking to myself why did you even reach out because that is the anthesis of what I am or what I am looking for.
At the end of the phone conversation I told her that it was nice to speak to her, but didn’t see a lot of commonality so good luck with her dating journey. Got a text later that night that asked what turned me off? Was it the Golf?
T-Rex: Had a date where the woman asked me on the phone whether I liked dinosaurs. I replied “sure, who doesn’t like dinosaurs”.
When I went to pick her up for our date she greeted me wearing an T-Rex outfit and nothing else. Lol!
4. What number date was Heather online and how did you end up choosing her as a date? What happened leading up to your date with Heather and what did you do on your first date?
Heather was probably the 8th or 9th individual I had gone out with. I liked her smile in her pictures and her written profile. It was very down to earth and both showed she did not take herself very seriously. We had a great conversation on the telephone. We went to dinner the first night. On subsequent dates we went mountain biking, rock climbing, and golfing.
5. Did you know she was the “one” on your first date? Was there instant chemistry?
There was definitely chemistry, but no I didn’t think she was the one on our first date. Did think she was an interesting woman with a great life story who I would like to get to know better.
6. When did you meet her and how long after did you propose?
We met in Mar 2021 and got engaged in Sept 2022. Went to Switzerland and did a hiking trip. During which, right at the beginning of the trip, she broke both her hands in a Trotti Bike accident (basically a Razor scooter that kids love, which you take on downhill trails). It sounded like a sketchy idea and turned out to be not the best idea we had. This accident would have ended the trip for a lot of people, however her positive attitude and desire to make the best of any situation allowed us to continue with the trip.
We modified the trip to do less strenuous hikes and less miles each day, but she really showed her character in the face of the adversity and confirmed for me that I had made the right decision in my life partner.
7. What did you like about Heather?
Her positive attitude towards life (glass half full vs half empty), her curiosity, empathy, importance on relationships with family and willingness to try new experiences
8. Tell us a little bit about common interests/different interests and what you like to do together.
Quality time is our love language and we enjoy spending time together. Whether it’s a daily walk in the evening with our dog, or having dinner and then watching TV for an hour. We also enjoy riding bikes together and traveling. She is a true teammate and makes life just easy.
9. Did you ever think you’d remarry? What advice would you give someone about online dating?
Did not think I would remarry. But luckily found the right individual who had the essential core values I value and the personality that meshed. That is a hard combination to find.
Would say definitely try it, but enter into the experience with a positive attitude and not a whole lot of preconceived expectations. Every date is a new opportunity to have an interesting conversation and experience. You can always learn something with each date be it positive or negative. It was interesting meeting accomplished women who themselves had amazing life experiences. Be inquisitive, but don’t make it a job interview. Also would say Andrea’s advice of “meet someone” don’t text was spot on. After a few texts would say I really prefer to talk to you. If the phone conversation went well, would suggest a place to meet.
Also realize that life is not a Hollywood movie where you meet someone and there is an instant attraction and you know immediately that “this is the one”. Give someone who you had an interesting date/conversation with, but didn’t check off everything you were looking for another chance. There were multiple times when I found the 2nd or 3rd date to be better than the initial date.
10. Tell us about Heather and how the relationship progressed. When did you know for sure she was the one?
We went on 4 dates while I was dating other women, and she was dating other men (she had a rotation of 3 men- she said “that was all she could keep straight at one time” LOl! ). Btw I had no idea that I was part of a rotation. We quickly both realized that when we were going out on other dates that they didn’t measure up to the compatibility and chemistry I had with Heather.
We decided to go exclusive after about 3 months of dating and then went through some major events in both of our lives (my mother passed away unexpectedly , and she had a major surgery an ACL repair on knee she injured during skiing). It really in a short timespan these events showed how each of us handled adversity. This insight into each others coping mechanisms and the support we provided each other during these hard times made us realize how compatible we are with each other.
Also we both learned something from our previous relationships and make it very intentional to not make the same mistakes.
A very good exercise we did while dating was read a book by John Gottman (8 dates essential conversations for a lifetime of love). We read a chapter and then went on a date to discuss that particular chapter. The book really covered all the topics that should be discussed prior to entering into a long term relationship and gave me valuable insight into Heather.
Thank you, Nav and Heather as Nav shared they worked on this together. I had so much fun working with him---and he was always open to dating advice. I distinctly remember the trex story and how I choked on my coffee the morning he told me! I'm so happy for you---this is why I do what I do!
Andrea McGinty
Dating Coach
Photos Courtesy of Nav and Heather