Feelings & Emotions: Online Dating
Ahhhhh. We all have them. From excited, nervous, happy, enthusiastic, positive to hurt, negative, burnt out, disappointed---and the full spectrum exists on online dating every day, just like in life.
As a dating consultant, last week I spoke to 74 clients (I went back and counted!). Overall, it was a very happy week and I got excited. For example, a very choosy 38-year-old Wall Street client went on 4 first dates this week---one of which he really, really likes. (I have only ever heard him talk to me in a very businesslike manner—he likes to talk dating stats (yep, Wall Street brain) and dating odds (which he tells me are horrific) and finally I heard excitement in his voice! He just had his 3rd date with the one he likes---and I heard no more about odds. Victory.
Wait, I’m going to tell you more stories at the end of this article---but some issues did come up and I want to address some tips as a few made me really think.
Online Dating Tips:
1. Be kind always. Even if it backfires. I have a lovely 57-year-old female client in Southern California who is averaging about 2 news dates per week, plus 2nd and 3rd dates. She was messaging (no date yet or phone conversation) with a potential man, decided he was not for her and sent a text to the effect “It’s been fun chatting with you, but I don’t think we have much in common. Best of luck on Bumble and nice meeting you”. Well, she felt down when he responded “Well, you sure know to get rid of a man” or something to that effect.
After a few texts, would you rather be ghosted? Most people wouldn’t. With his hurt response, it did solidify her decision not to meet him in real life.
Then I flipped the coin thinking about him. Maybe it was the first woman he’s ever reached out to online. His feelings were hurt. Maybe a relationship just ended for him, and he was down and trying to back on the dating horse.
2. Vanished. Where did she go? This came up several times this week. I had one 57-year-old doctor in Texas who had liked a woman and sent a message to her through Match. Then the next day he looked for her and POOF she was gone. Ok, folks this happens and to think about why is a big waste of time. She’s gone. Why did she take her profile down? It could be scores of reasons: on vacation, sick family member, covid, decided to go exclusive with another man---countless reasons. Move forward on your adventure and don’t look back!
3. Ready for a Facetime call pre-date and nervous to give out your phone? Download the App Signal. It’s free, heavily protected and my cousin (high rank in Counterintelligence) swears by this App. They don’t have it? Ask them to download it. I like it much better than WhatsApp.
4. Social Media Ask. So, you’re ready to go out on a first date and they ask for your Instagram, Twitter or Facebook. Sure, give it to them. It’s a reasonable ask in this social media driven era. What do you have to hide? You’re already online dating!!!
5. Self-Improvement Stage. This occurred several times last week: one client had lost 40 pounds, with 10 more to go. Another started with some fillers for her face that were going to take 3 months. A LA male client in the entertainment business was going in for a half facelift. The answer for all: I’m putting you ON HOLD (which is always an option with me, no lost time) until you are 100% happy with your results. I told all three that while they were skipping the super busy online dating of September-November, they’d be ready for the next explosion in January! And, feel super confident about themselves.
6. Dating Burnout. Online Burnout. Sure, it happens though with having a dating coach doing most of the work for you (my Ultimate Package) it happens much less. So, how do you not put yourself in this position?
a. Don’t go online every day! Cut it to twice a week.
b. Keep whichever site that you are on CLEAN. By that, I mean as you go through potential dates, DELETE those who are not candidates. Therefore, when you run searches, you won’t feel like OH HIM AGAIN! By keeping organized, online dating is much more fun.
c. Work is crazy. Take a one-month break. Have your profile go dark so no one can see you. You’ll be happily surprised by how you feel in a month or two!
7. Be honest. After the first date, you have no interest. A kind text that evening “Thanks for having dinner with me, Ron. I wish you the best!” (Hey, think of this as a party---you are a man in a room with 100 women---are you going to fall in love/like with all of them---of course not!)
Ok----my stories this week:
Amelia, 36 in Detroit got engaged! She told me I was the 3rd person to know after her Mom and Dad.
Michael, 66 in Houston met Lauren, 64 and they laughed as they’d shared their first kiss at 14 and 16 years old at camp---and had never seen each other after camp. They are spending much time together, so fingers crossed.
Thomas, 32 in San Francisco got married yesterday to Felicity, 36. (He was my client and met her on his 18th Hinge date!)
And one to get you laughing: My client in Boston, 41-year-old Mark had two dates last week with two different woman----who both told him immediately they were ready for marriage and a baby. This year. Tick Tock. I was laughing so hard with him that I nearly choked on my smoothie. One would be enough---but two?
Have a good week everyone and I love working with you!