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Odds of Winning at Online Dating

Ohhhkkk, considering 1 out of 3 singles got married in 2020 from online dating according to mega-research firm Pew, you’ve got a 1 in 3 shot, right?

Wrong. That makes no sense.

Here’s the thing: I can generally have a 10-minute chat with a potential client I’m thinking of taking on and acting as their dating coach, dating counselor, dating expert and have a pretty good feel from that conversation on their odds.

Clairvoyant? Most certainly not!

And since I like to keep my batting average high---I’ve been doing this for over 25 years---there are some critical issues that deem success or not. I've

had 4 engagements in the last 10 days with my clients---and over 60% right now are in long term relationships.

Serendipity? Luck? Maybe a teeny tiny bit. 2%?

The other 98% comes from a few other factors.

So, let’s increase YOUR odds:

1. Attitude. That’s right---it’s not the right app, amazing photo, profile etc. that makes up my mind about taking on a new client. As a dating counselor, I understand clearly that if you’ve been online dating with no success, of course there is frustration and exhaustion. If you’ve never done it, perhaps fear or the unknown. But you didn’t sign up for a 4.0 tennis league the first time you held a racquet in your hand. (Or the 2nd, 3rd, or 4th time!). You took lessons. You listened to a pro.

Attitude to me means an open mind, a willingness to give it a go with a smile and the ability to listen to advice. This will increase your odds astronomically.

2. Friends. While of course friends are super important, they are NOT your friend when it comes to increasing your odds online. They are not experts. Is your consistently dateless friend with horror stories a dating expert? Or, is your friend who got married through Match a dating wizard and now your mind, heart, soul is set on the thought that Match will be your magical site.?

Example: Last week I was chatting with a 54-year-old man from Silicon Valley, an exec at Google, who told me he only wanted to use CMB. (Coffee Meets Bagel). Curious how he came up with that, he told me his friend in NY swore by this app. The issue here was that CMB is strong in NYC----but seriously lacks numbers/memberships in his area---and he’s not moving!

Bad odds.

3. Photos. Photos. Photos. Maybe I should have listed this at the top---but I’ve got to go with attitude first. If you are already my client, you know how crazy I am about you having amazing photos. To clarify, this does not mean thousands of dollars in studio shots!!! Or uber photoshopped pics.

Prior to my first Zoom call with a new client, I ask them to send me as many photos from the last 3 years that they deem great. I have a client in Rosemary Beach who blew my mind with his photos---a 50-year-old man with fun, adventurous photos his 16-year-old son had shot doing various water sports! His passion is the water--and his happy, goofy, smiling photos drew crowds of women. No, he needed no professional photos---as time went on, nearly every potential date commented on his photos and his smile. His odds? High. Yes, he’s dating someone seriously now---and I miss talking to him as he needs me no more! In my business, it’s a good thing to lose clients!

On the other hand, he’s an anomaly. Most photos I receive look like a LinkedIn shot (hey, you’re not looking for a job), or, are poor quality/resolution, old, and no what I’m looking for---which is to market the heck out of you! Photos online are Marketing 101---we live in a hyper visual society and great photos are crucial. I use photographers all over the US to take my clients photos. One of my favorite photographers is in NYC and she traipses along with my clients for 3 hours doing unique outdoor shots, hailing a cab, throwing a snowball, on the steps at the Met, sipping coffee in a busy café.

Now do you need a pro photographer? Nope. I’ve had teens take fantastic photos of their mom, aunt, cousin for me. They grew up taking pics daily---and they do some fun angles---and they are certainly not boring shots!

Email me at for my Online Photo Guidelines. This is a time saver.

Odds with great photos? High.

4. The Right App/Site. Crucial.

Yes, you can fumble and bumble about trying out different sites/apps---but I find that method can lead to discouragement fast! While Tinder is the largest dating app in the world (Match owns them), if you don’t fall in their sweet spot in terms of age, demographics and geographical area, odds are nil to incredibly low. A question clients ask me often after their Zoom call with me is “How do you pick the right site for me”? It’s a combination of

a. Doing this for over 25 years and knowing the sites well, my clients’ successes, stories and anecdotal evidence

b. In addition, I have paid research monthly that gives me much info about app/ site growth, sweet spot in terms of age, strengths in geo areas and other demographics

Odds with the right site? Good.

Love, Laughter & Dating,



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