The Costco Theory Of Dating

Maybe you're shopping in the wrong aisle?

I have a theory about dating: we’re all shopping at Costco.

Hear me out.

You walk into Costco looking for one thing. Maybe it’s a rotisserie chicken. You know exactly what you want.

Then you see the giant display of something you never knew you needed. Into the cart it goes.

Twenty minutes later, you’re walking out with a kayak, a 12-pack of socks, three pounds of cheese—and absolutely no chicken.

Dating can be exactly the same.

We make a list.

He must be tall. Successful. Fit. Funny. Educated. Financially secure. Love to travel. Live within 15 miles. Love dogs. Love the beach.

She must be attractive. Smart. Independent. Successful. Active. And, of course, have all the “right” interests.

Then we meet someone who checks nine out of ten boxes and wonder why there’s no spark.

Meanwhile, the person who doesn't quite fit the list is the one we can't stop thinking about.

I saw this happen with one of my clients, Sarah.

Sarah had a very specific type. For years, she went for what I jokingly called her “Wall Street guy”—polished, sophisticated, successful, confident, and exactly the kind of man she pictured herself ending up with.

And then she met Tim.

Tim was…well, definitely not her usual type.

He was the nerdiest guy she had ever dated.

But he was also kind, smart, funny, thoughtful, emotionally grounded—and absolutely amazing. He made her laugh. He treated her beautifully. Most importantly, she felt completely comfortable being herself with him.

Last weekend, Sarah got engaged to Tim.

The nerdiest guy in the room.

And she couldn't be happier.

That’s the funny thing about dating: sometimes the person you think you want and the person who is actually right for you are two completely different people.

I'm not saying standards don't matter. They do.

Kind? Absolutely.

Trustworthy? Non-negotiable.

Treats people well? Essential.

But must he be exactly 6'1", live in your preferred neighborhood, play golf, have a certain job title and look exactly like the person you imagined?

Maybe that's a preference—not a requirement.

Because sometimes we get so focused on finding exactly what we ordered that we don't notice something better sitting right in front of us.

So on your next date, instead of asking, “Is this exactly what I ordered?” ask yourself:

“Am I curious to see this person again?”

That's a much more interesting question.

Sarah thought she knew exactly what her “type” was.

She was shopping in one aisle.

And then she wandered into a completely different one—and found Tim.

Maybe that's the lesson.

Your next great relationship may not be what you were shopping for. It may be what you never thought to put in your cart.

So if you've been dating the same type, having the same experiences, and getting the same results, maybe it's time to try a different aisle.

You never know who you might find there.

And if you're ready to shop a little differently, let's talk.

Talk to Andrea for 15 Minutes: Book Me