As promised, after my what men want earlier this week, here comes the flip side. Working with thousands of women over the years and listening to date stories and anecdotes, these are the commonalities I have found. I may have missed one or two----feel free to remind me in the comments section!
Whether you are 30 or 60, women have learned to be independent and are seeking partnerships in relationships. No longer is the man the “hunter”. When you think about best friend relationships with your girlfriends, it’s based on equality, yes? No different than a romantic relationship.
Without this, it’s just a friend. Attraction is key and it may not be a lightening bolt on the first date, but often happens on Date #3 or 4. Have you ever been on a first date and thought his looks were ok, only to find by the end of the date, due to the conversation and his mannerisms, he had jumped from a 5 to an 8 or 9? (On a scale of 1-10). It happens all the time!
I’m not just talking about financial stability which is important, but emotional and relationally stable. Someone who shows anger issues or is upset by the tiniest thing, is not emotionally stable. And guess what? These are red flags---as we are all on our best behaviors in the first few months. You see lack of any of these 3 types of stability, move on.
What do I mean? Well first and foremost, curious about you and wanting to really get to know you. Next, curious about the world around him, interests, and the willingness to try new things. Relationships need to grow and they cannot with someone lacking this trait.
No, I don’t mean bossy or always having his way. But knowing what he wants in life, a relationship and the future. Women also should have a handle on this trait---that is what makes a partnership. Have you ever gone out with someone who constantly said “What do you wan to do” and never came up with ideas of his own? You’ll be frustrated and bored quickly.
Of course, this works both ways. You may be thinking of a career change, a travel adventure or a course you want to take. A good mate actively listens and is your cheerleader on your ideas.
7. Sexual Satisfaction
Our idea of this may have changed from when we were 25, but an active sex life keeps the spark alive in a relationship. The intimacy is crucial.
8. Surprises you
Who doesn’t like a lovely surprise? It can be a loving card left on your nightstand to flowers for no reason. It needn’t be a big show---it just shows thoughtfulness and love.
9. Keeps Promises
He said he was going to call—he does. You have plans Saturday night-they happen. He mentioned helping you with your garden—he does. You are going away on a trip---he remembers he offered to watch your dog. Little things, but they show he does what he says he will.
10. Never checks your phone or email
Can you even believe I added this in? Just recently I had a female client, Angie, 62, who was having some trust issues with a relatively new man in her life. Once out to dinner, a man approached their table and gave her a hug---an old friend. Her date asked tons of questions about him and seemed jealous. Next, this same woman found her date looking through her phone. She shut down that relationship quickly. Who needs this when there are so many good men out there?
And I’ll leave you with this: I’m constantly asked (more like told!) by women that all men want to date younger. A big fallacy. Statistical data from large research companies are forthright with these stats: 80% of men want to date right around their own age. So, let’s not worry what that other 20% wants!
Exhausted with online dating, don’t know how to do it or think it won’t work for you? I doubt it!!! Just set up a free 15-minute call with me and I’ll let you know if I can help and if we are a good fit for each other. Click here for an appointment. Over 60% of my clients are in relationships so please don’t give up.
Happy Dating, Andrea McGinty
Dating Coach/Dating Consultant
Over 25 years’ experience
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