For the past 25+ years, I have coached clients on dating---in the old days (90’s and early 2000’s) with matchmaking and in the 2010’s and 2020’s with online dating. Sometimes it is hard to remember that there are over 100 million singles in the US alone. But every week I see someone fall in love---and that makes me feel so happy.
So here we go with tips:
1. An Energetic Dating Profile
This is a breezy, fun read profile. Energetic? Yes, you can read energy crackling on a page! My best example is Men’s Health Magazine (yes, I’m female and I read it!!) ---they understand their audience and write in short bursts and blurbs. This captivates a weary reader and gives info in a fast almost bullet pointed fashion. Write an exciting dating profile, caution to the wind!
2. Pick the right dating site/app.
If you do not, success may be elusive. Just because your BF in NYC used Coffee Meets Bagel to meet her boyfriend, does not mean that will work for you in Dallas. Do research, do homework. If a couple of friends successfully in your hometown met their partners online (key word here is successfully, not your friends who are crucifying online dating), yes, definitely ask them which site!
3. Be unique in using Prompts
Online Dating Apps that don’t use longer profiles give you the only opportunity to share about yourself in under 100- or 250-character responses by asking a prompt question. Be mindful with your words and also note that full sentences are not a necessity here.
Don’t pick the ones like “For fun I like to….” You know why people pick this one? It’s the first one on the list of 20-30 prompts---and the answer is usually so boring such as “Travel and Family”. Oh, ok. Wow, now we know so much about you. (lol)
How about instead----“If I could teleport anywhere this weekend”. Now, singles rarely use this one as it’s (yes, you guessed) toward the bottom of list but the people who answer generally have fun and intriguing answers---they put some thought into this one!
4. Answer quickly!
Ok, let’s say, it’s a Saturday night, you are online, perusing potential dates, and a message pops up for you. Maybe it’s someone you had “liked” or just a random person who had liked you. Answer! No, you don’t have to wait 3 hours or 3 days---most dating sites and apps show when you are online which in this case is a good thing---now you can get a conversation going and not waste precious time.
5. Think/Speak Positively
This will exude confidence on your date---and confidence is sexy!
6. One text, Two Text, Three Text…no more
This felt like the beginning of a Dr Seuss! Now that you have messaged back and forth 2 times via the app/site, time to take it to a real phone call. How? Very simply, ask. “Would you like to phone chat/facetime for 10 minutes to see if we would like to meet in person”? This effectively does two things: sets a boundary for 10 minutes (who needs to talk for an hour---do that on the date!) and basically tells the other person the reason: To set up a date if we like each other.
Believe me, as a dating coach with over 30,000 clients under my belt, it works. Who wants a
text buddy? No one. Who wants real in person dates? You do----and if they respond with “oh, let’s text to get to know each other better” ---Block. Delete. Run. Statistically this date is never happening.
7. Terrific, Real Photos from last 6-12 Months
I vet and help select every one of my client’s photos. Two years ago, with Covid, I gave my
client’s more latitude with photos. (Yes, I know Covid is still a part of our lives but most of us
have learned how to live with it and still go about their daily business…and dating!).
Always smile—the Victoria Beckham/Anna Wintour look won’t work with online dating. This photo was taken of a real client this week---great smile and all her photos whether golfing, playing with her dog, at a bookstore--she had a terrific smile and charisma.
I have another client who plays piano for a well-known symphony---she gets so many comments on her photo in a black dress and pearls at a grand piano. But then again, she’s an avid hiker---her ice pick climbing-a-glacier-photo in Alaska from a few weeks ago is also real---and well-liked by men. Neither of her two photos are posed, btw. Natural. Oh, the magic number of photos to
8. People to Avoid Online
Quickly delete any single with no or just one photo, no profile, and just listed 2-3 interests
Probably a bot. One photo, perhaps not a real person. No time to wonder why as online dating is game best played quickly, so don’t hesitate to delete. Even if her/his one photo is gorgeous.
Anyone who is negative in their profile or writes a novella (1,2,3 paragraphs about their last
relationship) is a big red flag.
9. Be honest
That means your true age and photos that represent what you look like now. The goal here is to meet in person and you don’t want to be duped on a date when she shows up looking 10 years older and 20 pounds heavier than her so called recent photos. Be proud of your age and life experience.
And, if you think you look 10 years younger than your true age, (something I hear
consistently from clients of both sexes) keep it to yourself. Let your date come to that lovely
conclusion. OK, women, I was not picking on you---so in fairness, guys, be honest about your height.
10. Conversations on the First Date
This is not a marriage audition! Keep it light, breezy, current events, latest films out, travel
plans. If they ask, how’s online dating going? Only one answer: “Great, so much fun meeting different people.” No bitch sessions! (*back to #8 and negativity!)
Online dating can be so much fun when taken in the right spirit. Yes, you may want a long-term relationship (over 60% of my clients are successfully in these) but you have to start by dating. One date turns into two…and before you know it you are in a relationship.
Chin up. There’s a lid for every pot! Ready to get your love life rolling this summer with minimal work, maximum fun? Let's Get Started Now!
Love & Laughter,
Andrea McGinty, Your Dating Coach