Let’s clear the air: this idea of “you attract who you are” tends to spark a few side-eyes. Some call it fluff, some say it's harsh — but after 30+ years as a dating coach and matchmaker (and yes, having set up nearly 35,000 people), here’s where I land:

 It’s kind of like “you are what you eat.”

So if you keep dating emotional Twinkies... maybe it’s time to check the menu.

Here are 10 truths I’ve seen play out again and again — with just enough sass and soul to keep it honest.

1. Like Energy Attracts Like Energy

If you’re confident, kind, curious — guess what? You tend to attract the same.

If you’ve got high energy and an adventurous streak, you’re probably not vibing with a Netflix-and-nap enthusiast. It’s not a judgment — it’s physics.

2. Your Self-Worth Sets the Tone

You teach people how to treat you. So if your inner voice sounds like a defeated self-help book, don’t be surprised when your dating pool reflects that. Raise the bar, and the whole vibe changes.

3. Patterns Repeat Until You Break Them

Keep running into emotionally unavailable types? First of all — ugh, same. Second, you’re probably doing something wrong (yes, I said it).

Online dating isn’t broken — your filter might be.

4. Unhealed Wounds Attract Lessons, Not Love

Here’s your deep moment: the universe might send you people who help you face your stuff, not fix it.

Good news: lessons are valuable. Bad news: they don’t always come with a happy ending or a plus-one to your niece’s wedding.

5. Growth Attracts Growth

Or better yet — curiosity attracts curiosity.

If you’re evolving, reading, exploring, healing — you’ll naturally start catching the eye of others doing the same. Life learners find life learners.

6. Authenticity is a Magnet

The “fake it ‘til you make it” approach? Not so hot in dating.

If you hate golf, stop hanging out at driving ranges hoping to meet someone who does. Spoiler: that’s not your person. Be real — your match is looking for you, not your alter ego.

7. You Attract What You Think You Deserve

I can’t count how many times I’ve heard, “Am I too old? I’m 41… 55… 67…”

Here’s the deal: if you believe love is off the table because of your age, past, or stretch marks — you’ll date like that’s true. Flip the script. You’re not “too” anything — you’re just right for the right person.

8. Emotional Availability Seeks the Same

People who are emotionally mature look for someone who’s present, real, and... paid for the dating app. (Yes, skin in the game matters.)

They don’t want a pen pal — they want a partner.

9. Your Vibe Chooses Your Tribe

Your lifestyle, humor, communication style — it’s all part of your dating fingerprint. You’re not for everyone, and you don’t need to be. You just need to vibe with the right someone.

10. Attraction Is a Two-Way Mirror

Sometimes we attract people who reflect who we are. Sometimes, we attract people who show us what we still need to work on.

The trick? Learn to tell the difference between a pattern and a partnership.

 Final Thought:

When you shift your energy, mindset, and confidence — the people you attract start to look very different. Trust me. I’ve seen it happen about 35,000 times.