How to speed up online dating and get real dates
Ever heard of this? You need to---I call it the 5-Day Momentum Rule.
As a dating coach/dating counselor with over 25+ years of dating experience---it is a fact! This rule has gained even more importance in the past 5 years as our attention spans have shortened due to social media, TikTok, texting, etc.
He/she is interested one day----nowhere to be found the next! You need to use your 5-day super powers with online dating.
So, how does this apply to your love life and online dating? I speak with my clients weekly, helping them navigate online dating and this is key to meeting your first dates---because you are not looking for text buddies, right?
Here we go:
1. Five Day Online Dating Momentum Rule: This means from first contact to first date, you have 5 days. Or what happens? The odds of meeting this person…ever…drops dramatically to less than 20%. (UCLA study, 2021)
2. You send a message…or receive a message. Respond immediately! (Day One) No game playing with online dating. If you remember The Rules or other dating books from the 1990’s to 2010’s, toss them. They don’t apply any longer.
3. Ok, the first two message volleys back and forth have gone well. (Day One or Two)
4. Now, share a bit more information---perhaps it’s why you moved to Chicago, what you love about two of your interests, your family, upcoming travel plans, etc.----things not written about in your profile or questions you answered on the dating site/app. This speeds up the process of getting to know each other---without writing a novella! (Day Two or Three) TIP: Do not write about your ex or children!
5. Time to schedule the 5–10-minute facetime call (or use the video link on the site/app you are on). (Day Three or Four)
Why 5-10 minutes? You need to set boundaries, you are not looking for a video/phone buddy---you are seeing what they look like in as close to real life as possible, seeing their smile, hearing their voice.
Very Important for #5: Please make sure you’ve made the intention of this call very clear.
Here is a good message to establish this with a potential date: “Wow, it’s been fun texting---how about we take this to a 5–10-minute FT or video call to see if we want to meet in real life—I could do tonight at 8:30 pm or tomorrow around 4 or 5---how’s this work with your schedule?”
6. What did you just establish?
· Self-Confidence! And yes, this is sexy! Guys too!
· Boundaries---the call will last 5-10 minutes (plenty of time to know if you are interested….and if you’re not, you’re off the hook in under 10 minutes)
· The call has a clear reason: To see if you want to meet in person
· You have given specific times for the call--after all, you are busy right? Not just waiting around for someone to ask you out!
· Your potential date now knows the intent of the video call and may respond with a few other times that work with him/her---totally fine and reasonable
Very Important for #5: You are at the make/break time with this person. A couple scenarios can ensue:
a. Video Call goes great and you schedule a date for lunch, drinks, coffee over the phone YAY! You made it----Day Five! (or less)
b. Video Call is a bust---well, you didn’t waste time meeting them in real life! Easy end to call “Thanks for chatting and I wish you the best”. Then delete them from your app/site.
c. They are indecisive about a good time for a 5–10-minute chat? Not a good sign! Hey, we are paying money to do online dating and they can’t find 5-10 minutes for a video chat? You’re a smart person----there’s clearly an issue here---and we don’t care what it is----terminate this person on your account.
d. They say they’d like to continue texting/messaging. Haven’t you exchanged the basic info and established a bit of a friendly rapport in the first 3 days? Be self-confident about yourself and terminate this potential date. Why? Because it’s never going to happen---time to move on. (How do I know…. well, 25 years has taught me a bit!!!).
Yes, you can text back before you terminate politely by saying something like “Oh, thanks anyway—I’m ready to meet via FT and I wish you the best”. Hit send. Terminate contact.
Tomorrow I am going to take you through my client Joanne’s online dating journey---she listened to coaching advice, was smart and self-confident. I’m going to share parts of her Profile I wrote (which she told me made a huge difference versus ones she had written in the past) and share some of their fun, flirtatious message bantering too! Real stuff.
They announced their engagement on Facebook yesterday.
Why do I wake up and do this? You. Joanne. Michael. Francis. 5 engagements in the last 3 weeks of dating coaching…
Life, Love & Laughter,
Andrea