As an online dating counselor and dating coach for over 20 years, here are the most common online dating mistakes singles make:
1. Cut to the Chase as quickly as possible You are here to go on in-person real dates, yes? Texting, chatting, and messaging more than 3-4 times is a waste of your valuable time. You both have expressed interest and the conversation ball is rolling. Chemistry only happens in real life. Whether you are a woman or a man, simply ask for the date. “Wow, we have a lot in common. How about lunch Thursday or Friday?”. Who needs more text buddies....and you’ll quickly find out if your potential date is interested in a real meet. Women, don’t be shy. Online dating is a level playing field!
2. Don’t cast a wide net. Why? You don’t need to! There are thousands of singles online and you know what you want, right? (Or what you don’t want). A wide net is like looking for a needle in a haystack---wouldn’t you rather look for that needle in an Easter basket? Be specific. Looking for athletic, say that! Looking for Jewish only, say that! Click here for a Free Strategy Call.
3. Read their Profile and look at their Photos There is nothing worse than getting a message that is generic or an obvious copy/paste. Initial volleys such a “How as your weekend” or “Hi, I like your photos” are boring and unlikely to get a response. It takes less than 90 seconds to read a profile and peruse photos. “Hey, Jim, loved the photo of you snorkeling in the Caymans. I just got back from Belize snorkeling and diving—BTW, you have a great smile! Next travel plans? Warmly, Kristin”. Personal. Specific. Much higher likelihood of a response.
4. Showcase your best photo first. And, please don’t use only one photo. Singles tend to read that as low effort, or worse, you are a bot or scammer. Working with my clients on a daily basis, coaching and searching out great matches for them, I’m perplexed when I see one photo; it raises red flags and I tell my clients to delete this candidate immediately.
5. Don’t use Free Sites. You get what you pay for, right? OK, while I agree Facebook has an amazing ability to pinpoint singles in your geo area and Tinder has a huge database (though it’s trying to re-invent itself as a relationship site, it’s not even close to getting there yet), free is free. No skin in the game. Looky-loos. The odds are stacked immensely against you finding quality dates on free sites.
Bonus: Have a pro write a great dating profile, topics and prompts. Think of using a professional photographer---not a studio photographer—and there is a firm that just specializes in online dating photos and their rates are super reasonable. I have photographers I use in nearly every market in the US and Canada. Fill out very question the dating site/app asks---it helps the algorithms dramatically!
My clients have fun with online dating at 33000Dates---probably because they have a dedicated dating coach who is an expert, objective and not your best friend. Who wouldn’t want a fun dating cheerleader and accountability? Over 65% of my clients are in relationship so don’t let naysayers tell you online dating does not work!
With over 4400 marriages and many relationships under my belt, I have the best job!
Love & Laughter,
Andrea McGinty Your Dating Counselor 33000Dates.com
I founded It’s Just Lunch, a matchmaking service in the 90’s, pre-online dating and grew it to 110 locations worldwide. I sold out to a private equity firm a few years ago (Match was one of the contenders to buy) as I saw the writing on the wall. Matchmaking was shrinking and their pools decreasing---with online dating growing exponentially and singles having difficulty navigating online dating. I love guiding singles through all the online chaos!