No one is perfect…and believe me, we all make mistakes on dates, right? Last week as a dating coach I was coaching a lovely Ilene 59-year-old woman in NYC and she was talking about her 60th birthday coming up next week. She’s been on 4 dates with Michael, having fun, after the first date all the others were 5-6 hours with much conversation and laughter. (Though she’s been obsessing a bit about turning 60.) She knew he had a private plane and dropped all sorts of hints about Michael flying her to St Barth’s for her b-day weekend. Then she didn’t hear from him for a few days.
Surprise, Surprise, right? I counselled Ilene not to text him daily and just let it go. After all, I thought that was quite a bit to expect. Friday night he called her---and told her to pack a suitcase and they are leaving Thursday for guess where?
Does that always happen? No way!
So, here are 7 tips to stay out of the mistake zone:
1. Looking for instant chemistry Yes, it does happen on date one---but in my 25 years’ experience it’s just as likely to happen on date #3 or #4
2. Offer to pay Oh yes, this is just good manners
3. Idealizing past relationships Hey, if it was sooo good, you’d still be in it, right? I had one 49-year-old man take a look at his college girlfriend (married) on Facebook and begin thinking they were perfect for each other…still. Ok, how’s that working? She’s married. Live in the present.
4. Don’t introduce them to everyone too soon What too soon? After just a few dates. Lauren met 3 different men while I was working with her and immediately invited them to: 1. A family BBQ, 2. A friend’s 50th birthday party and 3. To go skiing in Vermont with some friends. All after one date. Too much too soon. Now she waits until she has gotten to know him much better before jumping into what could be awkward situations.
5. Don’t talk about things you are unsure of Tim, 54, in Newport Beach met a pretty 58-year-old biochemist. Conversation naturally flowed to careers---and he had no idea what she was talking about. I was happy when Tim (an attorney) told me “She liked that I was honest and I didn’t fake knowledge. I asked lots of questions as I was interested". Yep, they just went on a 3rd date over weekend.
6. Introducing health challenges too soon That means, if you need a knee replacement, don’t talk about it on your first date! Def not a fun or apropos topic.
7. Trying to figure out if he/she is the ONE after the first date Not a good strategy. It may mean you interrogated your poor date. All a first date is an opportunity to meet a person and see if you’d like date number 2.
I like writing about dating mistakes----and success stories. I want you to have fun and meet the one. After all, 25 years doing what I do has taught me a few things! And, I’m happiest when I turn my phone back on Sunday morning and read texts about terrific dates, all the scoop and happy clients from what occurred Saturday night.
Yep, it makes my day. It’s why I do what I do. OHhhhh, a client just cancelled an appointment tonight so I had to call her and had a quick chat---I’m going to have an awesome story for you all Wednesday!
Andrea McGinty Dating Counselor/Dating Consultant Founder, 33000Dates.com