Before I get started, I laughed this morning with a client over this. She reading a man's profile where he just wrote 5 adjectives describing himself. That's it. Nothing else. But had 8 great photos. BTW, this client is very funny too. She responded with "You just got a 5 star review from me". Anyway, they have a date with coffee and a walk through Central Park next week.

Now, for the real topic:

So yesterday morning, Matt, a 58 year old client of mine, sent me this:

Andrea, what the heck?    She’s supposedly a dating coach…and I read  this and thought “Andrea wouldn’t find this legit."    I’m (Matt)  reading a blog written by a female dating coach — yes, a dating coach — and honestly, halfway through I nearly choked on my coffee.

The story goes like this: (from Matt yesterday)

She’s standing in line for coffee. Starts chatting with the guy behind her about the weather because apparently it had been raining for weeks. Fine. Normal. Human. Excellent start.

Then he casually mentions he recently got divorced.

She (the dating coach) says she recently got divorced too.

Still fine.

But then — and this is where the wheels flew off the Prius — she immediately launched into a full emotional audiobook about her divorce, her feelings, her healing journey, what she learned, probably her therapist’s deductible, and then wondered why the guy suddenly cooled off…………

Whew, Matt, good instincts and thanks for sending this off to me...

There’s more to this dating coach’s blog about herself, but, hi, now it’s me Andrea…and I’ll take it from here!

Andrea:

Ma’am.

The man was waiting for a latte.

Not volunteering as tribute for your TED Talk: Surviving Brad.

And I thought: THIS is exactly why people struggle meeting in real life.

Because otherwise intelligent adults keep turning simple human interactions into FBI interrogations, trauma dumps, or accidental hostage situations.

So in honor of coffee-line chaos everywhere, here are:

8 Brilliantly Bad Ways To Kill Attraction In Under 3 Minutes

1. Turning small talk into a Lifetime movie

“Crazy weather lately” should not end with:

“…and that’s when I realized my ex was emotionally unavailable.”

Nobody ordered the deluxe trauma sampler with their cold brew.

2. Confusing chemistry with free therapy

Just because someone is smiling at you does not mean they’re emotionally prepared to unpack your abandonment issues near the napkin station.

3. Oversharing like you’re being paid by the word

People reveal more in the first seven minutes now than previous generations revealed after six months and a shared mortgage.

Mystery has left the building.

4. Entering what I call “Divorce Resume Mode”

You know this person:

“Well, after 22 years of marriage, two Labradoodles, the incident in Scottsdale, and Gary’s inappropriate relationship with pickleball…”

STOP.

The man just asked if the blueberry muffin was good.

5. Treating every random encounter like an audition for marriage

Airport lounge. Grocery line. Starbucks. Hotel bar.

Someone says hello and suddenly people act like:

“Excellent. Let’s discuss long-term compatibility and attachment styles before boarding Group C.”

Calm down, Susan. He’s holding a Cinnabon, not an engagement ring.

6. Interviewing instead of flirting

“So what are you looking for?”

“What are your relationship goals?”

“How long have you been single?”

Honestly, sometimes I think job recruiters show more restraint.

7. Trauma-bonding with complete strangers

There’s a strange modern belief that intimacy is built by immediately revealing your deepest emotional wounds.

No.

Attraction is built through curiosity, humor, ease, energy, mystery, and connection.

Not by emotionally waterboarding someone before they’ve had caffeine.

8. Forgetting the goal

The goal of a first interaction is NOT:

• to explain your past

• process your divorce

• review your childhood wounds

• summarize your healing journey

• or discuss why your ex “couldn’t communicate”

The goal is simple:

Leave them wanting another conversation.

That’s it.

XX,

Andrea McGinty

Dating Strategist, Dating Coach, Matchmaker| Founder, It’s Just Lunch |  Founder, 33000Dates.com