Yes, I run into this weekly…and it’s a recipe for dating disaster. Think about this: Are you half in at work? Half in with your friends? Half in while playing golf or pickleball? Probably not!
So, why would you want to be half in with dating?
Here we go:
1. Your friends have been pressuring you to date again
Is this a good reason? No, because it needs to come from you, from your heart that YES, I am ready for that wonderful relationship. Friends can’t know if you are ready---if you are over that last relationship or where your mindset currently is at.
2. FOMO: Too much social media in your daily life
You see friends on Facebook or Instagram on a fabulous vacation with their significant other---and you have that Fear Of Missing Out. Good reason? No, because remember much of what you see online is people putting their amazing photos up, holding hands on the beach, kissing on a ski slope. Is this what they do every day? It’s a snippet of their life they are sharing---and they aren’t showing an angry photo of an argument with their partner, right?
3. Half of you wants to be single; Half wants a relationship
Make up your mind. Then go at it 100%. I want to be single. Then stop vacillating and enjoy singlehood. I want a relationship. Commit. Stop the excuses!
4. I’m so busy with….Fill in your word.
Work. Children. Hobbies. Is there a perfect time to date? Nope. Think about this: Is there a perfect time to take a two-week vacation? Most likely not---but you do it with planning and getting other things out of the way so you can enjoy this trip. I have a lovely 47-year-old client, Missy, in NYC who just recently was divorced and moved cross country after a tough divorce with her two teen children who are busy with soccer, basketball and ballet and she’s an executive with a busy schedule. For Missy, we figured out that every other week she can do a deep dive into dating on Thursday through Monday when she does not have the children. Missy is a new client and averaging two first dates every other week (and one has progressed to a 4th date) because she planned accordingly. And she’s happy with her love life balance along with her kids and work. Yes, it can work!
5. Your BF is dating a great guy she met on eHarmony
So, you spontaneously sign up and are quickly disillusioned after two weeks. Why? Just because a friend met on a site does not mean it’s the right site/app for you!Example: A new client came to me last month seriously bummed about her experience thus far on Coffee Meets Bagel. Is this a bad app? No. But, yes, for her it sure is! Her friend lives in New Jersey where CMB has a strong membership. She lives in Laguna Beach, Ca where this site is virtually unheard of and has very few members. Don’t follow a friend onto a site without help. That’s why I do intense research with each client after their Zoom call on where the best site is for them---taking into account demographics, the ratio of men to women, does the site have a declining membership base and are the right type of men/women on this site for you? Your success will depend greatly on choosing the right site.
6. A non-existent or poorly written bio
Major red flags for anyone taking a look at you online. Sure, you may have amazing photos but if you skipped or half-heartedly described yourself, the chances of you receiving messages which lead to first dates are low.
7. You join, put up a profile then do nothing
Ok, here’s the scoop on this: There is a long-standing Stanford University research project that’s been going on for over 20 years and listen to these stats:
From the time you reach out to a person online to the time your schedule a first meeting, if more than 5 days have passed, you have less than a 20% chance of the date actually occurring.
That says it all. Online dating moves fast….and if you are sporadically checking your app/site---then “saving” the person to think about him/her, by the time you get back to them they have moved on or possibly met someone.
As a top dating coach with over 25 years’ experience with thousands of clients, I know you must be 100% in. Okay, maybe you are not in for a year (and no need to be if done right!), but can you commit to giving dating your all for three months? If yes, I think you have a very good chance of meeting the right person.
Note: There are 100.6 million singles in the US. Many are online. Are there good men and women out there? You bet. Are the good ones all taken? I always laugh as both men and women ask me this. No, they are not. I see people falling in love or deep like every week---it keeps me going and there’s nothing that makes me happier than that phone call from you or a weekend text with a photo of the two of you. So, are you in half in with online dating now? I hope not.
Happy dating! Don’t give up before you even get started….
Warmly,
Andrea McGinty
Founder, It’s Just Lunch Matchmaking (sold)
Need help writing your dating profile, choosing the right online dating site/app, choosing the right photos and writing unique messages? I’m your girl! I love doing this---and my success rate is over 65%.