As an online dating coach, I work with multitudes of people ranging from different backgrounds, cultures, ages (20’s to 70’s) with numerous dating goals---perhaps newly widowed, divorced, transplanted across the country and more.
But no matter what you age and ethnicity, the same items resonate!
1. Your Premiere Photo
Whether on OkCupid, Match or Date My Age, this is the very first eye catching presentation you make---and yes, it makes, or breaks you. The photo should be high resolution and not looking straight into the camera (not a resume shot!). Princess Di perfected the head tilt and that can be a beautiful look for some ladies. Doing something unique works too---one client was cuddling a koala bear and that stopped many men in their tracks!
2. Profile----Go For It!
Many smart people need help with their online dating profiles as it can be difficult to write about yourself. Some sites allow only 300 characters (we can’t waste a single one!) and some allow a full bio (no, not a novel). In both situations, come out of the gate fast as some apps only show the first two lines and if it’s something like:
Love to travel and Hike. Live music and theatre……. (Oh, I’m the one typing these words and I just fell asleep!)
Instead try:
Sardinia, Sicily, Capri or Bust this summer! Vaccinated. Sole fell off my old hiking boots so breaking in some new….. (I personally would read further and swipe for some more photos!)
Now, if you’re on a site like a Match.com that allows a long bio, novellas don’t work. Mystery does----write 3-4 paragraphs of not more than 3-4 sentences in each. Three about you---one what you are looking for. Nothing generic!
3. Negativity
Why am I even talking about this? Because I’ve seen the profiles my clients wrote…before they hired me.
Here’s a real beginning of an online profile from a pretty 57-year-old personal trainer:
HER: Let me just be direct, no one fat or overweight. Must workout 4-5x a week as I’m in great shape.
Here’s partially how I changed it:
My rewrite: Healthy is my middle name! I’ve been in the fitness business for 25+ years and love working out, yoga and also am a licensed nutritional counselor. Looking for a partner who likes athletic endeavors, I’m up for trying anything!
4. Messages/Texts
Yay, you’ve gotten replies---now what to do. Set those replies aside for a day. You want to look for the type of person you want to meet, and yes, he may be in the first pile of replies, but chances are slim. Plus, many of these initial responses will be something like “Hi, what’s up” or “Hi, your eyes are pretty”. Do you really think they read your profile?
Instead, start your own search by using the site/app’s tools such as age parameters, height, distance, religion or other items that may be important to you. While you have told this site/app your parameters, they have crazy algorithms that will send you men 20 years younger, 200 miles away. For success, you don’t wait on the app----you are proactive, strategic and take control of the app. A good dating coach can walk you through these steps.
5. Contact
You’ve found 3, or 4, or 5 likely good-looking candidates for you. What do you say?
· It’s up to you to reach out
· A simple text can be Hi Mark, Loved the photo of you jet skiing. I’m a water person---swimming laps in open water is my thing. Do you have exciting plans for the weekend? Warmly, Lara
· What we did in the above reply:
o Personalized by using his name
o Showed we read/looked at his profile
o Gave a little info on you
o Closed with a question (to elicit a response)
o Warmly, Lara----just an extra touch
Approached the positive, strategic way, online dating can be such an adventure and full of great stories! I had two good friends join 33000Dates at the same time. One found a great man on her first date on Match. Her friend went through 9 dates on Match, came up empty (but lots of fun stories) and is now dating someone she met on Hinge. Ladies, it only takes one and I know there’s a lid for every pot!
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