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Debunking Dating Myths

busting the myths

Plus real photos that get results….

Oh, this is going to be an exciting article! As a dating coach, my week is filled with joy as I assist clients in navigating the world of online dating. And let me tell you, the theories I hear from clients are quite interesting, but most of them are simply fiction.


I firmly believe in facts and research, and I hope that by sharing them, you'll feel more optimistic about the dating scene. Let's start with some facts and real examples from my clients' experiences this week.


Here are the facts:


1. Second time around

Contrary to popular belief, when it comes to "mature" relationships (people aged 45-65+), men aren't necessarily seeking younger partners. According to an ongoing Stanford study spanning 20 years, 80% of men actually date within 5 years of their own age. So, while there may be that 20% who prefer younger partners, there's still a significant pool of men available for women. Yay!


2. Age gaps for second relationships/marriages

Here's another reason to smile! In the same age group mentioned earlier, 52% of men are actually 2-10 years older than the women in their second relationship. Additionally, 34% of couples have an age difference of just one year. (These statistics are based on a 5-year study conducted by Flowing Data).


3. Women over 50 using online dating

Believe it or not, 54% of women in this age group have tried online dating in the past 5 years, and they've had positive results, according to the reputable research organization, Pew. However, it's crucial to be on the right dating site or app. I'm always surprised when new clients tell me about the sites they've been using without success. It's important to choose wisely, considering there are over 1400 sites and apps in the US alone. Otherwise, you might end up feeling frustrated and exhausted. (Too many choose a site based on a friend's advice).


4. The number one reason people fail with online dating?

They give up too soon. Yes, it's true. Studies have shown that most people dive into online dating but quit within two weeks. Don't throw in the towel before giving it a fair chance to work!



Need some assistance? That's what I'm here for!  Want to chat for 15 minutes to see if I can help?  Click here.


a female client smiling

1. More Photos, More Success:

You know what they say, the more photos you have, the better! Your personality shines through in your pictures, and that's what gets people interested. I actually asked some successful clients if I could use their photos as examples, and they've received amazing comments and interactions online, leading to dates. These are real and recent photos, so maybe they'll give you some inspiration too.

A full body photo, showing personality.

Female with a friend and a building

Casual photo of same client with an interesting background, plus another person. (shows you have a social life!)


2. A Busy Day Yesterday:

Yesterday was just like any other day for me - talking to clients, browsing dating sites, and sending messages. I had four back-to-back one-hour calls with different clients. And you won't believe it, but all of them, three men and one woman, said pretty much the same thing at the start of the call: "Andrea, I did everything you told me to do this past week, but there's no one for me on this site." Some even used more colorful language!


Of course, I listened attentively while searching for potential matches for them. And within just 30 minutes, I found between 3 to 7 men or women who seemed like great matches for each client. They were thrilled, and two of them even said, "Oh, these profiles weren't here before, they must be new!"


Let me tell you something I've learned in my 25+ years of doing this: Sometimes, you come across 2 or 3 people who don't catch your interest, and you feel like giving up, closing the app, or shutting down your laptop. But remember what I always say: Don't give up! It only takes one person to make a connection.


lady with balloons

Another real client celebrating 60---it's a fun happy pic that elicits good feedback from men!

woman laughing

Same client---while not a fancy photo, she is funny....and men respond.

3. Is Your Profile Really Good?

Think again. Writing about yourself can be tough. It's easy to end up with a stiff, boring profile filled with lists of countries you've visited or activities you enjoy. Or on the other extreme, it could be just two lines long or a never-ending novella. None of these approaches work. When someone checks out your profile online, the first thing they do is look at your photos, and the second thing is read your profile. It needs to be engaging, unique, and fun.


So, let me tell you a quick story about a client I worked with last summer: He happens to be a famous author. (I've devoured all of his thrillers.) During our initial Zoom call, he asked me if he should send over the profile he had written before I crafted one for him. I declined, explaining that I prefer to start from scratch with a fresh perspective. (Although truth be told, I was really curious to see what he had written!)

After I completed his profile and sent it to him, he called me within 10 minutes. He instructed me to open his email on my laptop while we were on the phone. As I began reading, I realized it was actually the profile he had written previously. I was sipping coffee, and a paragraph in, I started choking on it. He, being the funny guy he is, told me to go ahead and laugh.

I hope I did justice to this story, as it was quite comical in the moment, and he has a great sense of humor---we both ended up cracking up. The moral of the story? Even a best-selling NYT author, who can create captivating characters, struggled to write about himself.

And guess what? He eventually found someone! He still updates me from time to time, and we reminisce about that hilarious morning call. Another takeaway from this tale? He was open to letting a professional handle the task!

I wanted to share some real-life anecdotes. When done correctly, online dating can lead to wonderful outcomes. Stay optimistic, avoid spending every day online (you'll get burnt out; this isn't a job), strategize (I can help you with that), and send meaningful messages.

Happy Dating!


Andrea McGinty Dating Coach/Relationship Coach Founder, Founder, It's Just Lunch (sold)

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