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How to Kick Your Dating Doubts to the Curb

….and Find Love

We all have insecurities---some small, some big, which can affect our happiness, well-being and love life. Finding happiness in life can be challenging if you let your self-doubt run the show and tell you who you are as a person.

As a dating coach for over 25 years, I’ve witnessed self-doubt in some of the most successful people. But, if you are looking to meet someone special and open yourself up to finding love, then you have to overcome your nerves, procrastination and not let anything stop you. As hard as this, you can meet a partner and find happiness if you recognize this and face them head-on. You can’t feel like a rockstar every day but when you’re feeling a bit blue and down about yourself (yes, everyone gets these feelings), remember they are manageable, and there is always light at the end of the tunnel.

Here are some proven tips to help you beat your insecurities, become more confident and start dating again.

1. Face your feelings rather than avoid them.

You have to understand who you are and what insecurities you have before you can move forward. For example, if you fear meeting new people, you must acknowledge this before going on a date. Practice small talk with a friend in a social setting before going on a date, with me, and get used to being in this type of one-on-one situation. Keep doing this until you gain more confidence and feel relaxed in a cafe meeting someone for coffee.

2. Set realistic goals.

Don’t be too hard on yourself; never set an exact time frame for overcoming your hesitancies or finding the love of your life; this added pressure will only worsen matters. Instead, remember to be kind to yourself; your insecurities will fade away slowly over time with enough effort and practice.

3. Prepare yourself for setbacks and be able to know that these are temporary.

For example, if you are insecure about meeting a new person for the first time and going on a date, and things go south, use this experience as a learning curve for the next time. Don’t throw your arms up in the air and give up; steady your resolve and know that this is just part of the learning process as your body and mind adjust to new and stressful situations. Remember, as I always say, it only takes one!

4. Embrace all of your characteristics and learn to love yourself.

You will never change who you are, but you can learn to understand all your anxiety or flaws (Guess what? We all have them!), and once you know them, you can start addressing them and see why they are hindering your quest for love. Don’t let them cast a negative shadow over yourself; instead, embrace them openly as being who you are. Take inventory of everything you’re doing right. Chances are, your thoughts about yourself aren’t taking into account the hundreds of positive micro-decisions we make on a daily basis.

5. Challenge all negative thoughts and remember they are just thoughts.

They come, and they go, simple as that. So, for example, if you start feeling vulnerable before a date, (we all are!) know that these only mind thoughts can leave as quickly as they came. Maybe try a meditation podcast before a date? Or call your upbeat best friend. Or me, your favorite dating coach.

6. Surround yourself with positive, encouraging people

who give you positive energy and an upbeat outlook. Positive people’s power will rub off on you and help you overcome your doubts.

7. Listen to other people’s stories about overcoming their hurdles. You are not alone in this journey. There are some great podcasts out there---people overcoming difficulties in business, loss and love!

8. Do things that make you happy.

It doesn’t matter what it is; a walk in the park, retail therapy or just sitting in a cafe. For me personally, there is nothing better than a trip to the Nordstrom cosmetic counter for something I don’t need. Thank you, lip gloss!

9. Let go of people and situations that fuel your insecurities.

Ditch negative people who ignite your fears. Block them from your phone, don’t follow them on social media, delete these people out of your life and instead bring in positive, genuine people who love you for who you are.

10. Be happy with your progress, whether big or small.

Like everything in life, it all begins with a few small steps. So, congratulate yourself on each victory (no matter how small – it might be a 5-minute phone conversation with a new person you intend to meet), and be happy that you are taking a proactive approach to dealing with dating!

Long story short, that’s why I am here. To be your cheerleader. To be direct with you. To put you on the right track. To make this fun.

Happy Dating----

Andrea McGinty Dating Expert for over 25 years


Founder, It's Just Lunch (sold)


I love hearing all about you----and helping you date effectively. BTW, no one ever calls me super excited to call a dating counselor. By the end, we are generally enjoying the call and I'm already thinking dating strategy for you!!

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