Singles tell me this over and over---Online dating is exhausting; I’m not getting the results or I don’t have time.
So, let’s focus on time. We all have the same amount of time in each day---1440 minutes. But we have time for Netflix, golf, tennis, travel and friends.
So, what’s your most precious commodity? If you said money, I’m going to disagree. It’s time and it’s constantly moving forward. So, time issues are never about time----they are about your priorities! “I don’t have time” is an excuse. If not now, when?
So, it’s time to make time your priority.
Use time wisely…or others won’t take you seriously!
1. Teach others that you value time Of course, I’m talking about dating. Been blown off at the last minute or had a date cancel? It’s probably you. Every single day as a dating coach I talk to singles helping them choose, communicate and set up dates. I’m just flummoxed when they want to write a message to a good prospect like this….”Yes, let’s get together soon”. Ugh. You’ve just communicated dating is not a priority in your life or you have all the time in the world. How about this one instead? “Excited to meet you. Thursday for lunch works for me or Saturday afternoon for coffee---which is better for you”? You’ve been specific….and shown that you are busy and used my favorite approach “the which” approach”.
2. Waiting or Thinking about a Potential Date OMG, I get this all the time from my well-educated clients whom I like so much. We will be looking at a man/woman’s profile and they say, “Let me think about it”. WHAT!? What is there to think about? You are not proposing to them and planning a wedding. You are simply sending a message to see how they respond and gather a bit more info about them.
3. I’m going to save him/her. Oh yes, I jump right on this one when we are looking at a potential date and my client says let’s leave him/her there for later. What’s going to happen later? I’ll tell you---they will disappear in cyberspace, never to be found again. Maria, 48, and I were looking at Jon. He ticked her boxes and was cute and funny. She refused to message him----she wanted to wait to see if he’d reach out first. No, no, NO! Guess what happened? 3 weeks later Maria did and she had a very nice reply from Jon saying he’d met someone 10 days ago and had been out on a few dates with her and wanted to see where it would go. He wished her the best. Maria, that someone could have been you!
4. The biggest waste of time is doing something efficiently that you shouldn’t do at all. Hmmmm, what does that mean? Michael, a 58 year old ER doc (name changed!) client of mine would tell me on our weekly coaching calls that he went online every night last week, spent an hour, looked at photos, skimmed profiles-----then a week later wanted to show me the ones he liked. Time waster. Of course, half of them were long gone by then. Immediately what Michael should be doing is messaging them---how does viewing get you anywhere? Well, Michael and I have this under control now and he went on 2 dates last week and has one set for tomorrow.
Priorities. Time. I don’t expect you to make online dating your entire life. But I do expect you to listen and implement the skills I teach as they get results! That’s why you are paying me the big bucks---for success in a timely manner.
That’s actually why I do the 15-minute screening call before I take on a new client. Yes, I want to make sure it’s a good fit and I can help. But, will you be able to listen to me (and not your friends) because I want you in my over 60% success column? And to have fun on the journey with me.
Dating Coach/Dating Counselor
Founder, ItsJustLunch and 33000Dates.com