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Men's POV: What Men want in Dating/Relationships

what men want

Don’t worry---I also think about what a woman needs too---but that is another article coming out soon.  Yes, I understand dating and a relationship is a two-way street, so please don’t think I’m ignoring this from a female standpoint.

Providing dating consulting and dating coaching services since the 1990s, I’ve been fortunate to listen to tens of thousands of singles and help with online dating. At the moment, I have more male clients in their 40’s to 70’s that I am working with weekly, so this has been on my mind as I listen to them recap each week’s dating adventures.  So, if you are surprised by any of these, it comes from talking to so many single men looking for love.  And, to those women who tell me there are no good men left or they are all married, let me graciously disagree with you!


1.       Men need to feel supported.

No, here I’m not referring to finances.  They want to feel encouraged by you.  Perhaps they are jumping into a new business venture or trying a new sport---they want to feel your approval and respect.  Look for ways to help build their self-esteem.  For example, right now I have a 58-year-old male client, Jack*, whose priority this year is staying in great shape---more than making money.  He wants to live a healthy, long life and before coming to me had spent 6 months at Canyon Ranch to whip himself into a mindset of health, well-being, and great habits. (Yes, he’s financially secure though never boasts of this).  When he was getting ready to start this 6-month journey, the woman he was dating told him it was a waste of money.  Zero support.  Yes, she’s history.


As he goes through the dating process, he finds women who think that is awesome---and others who tell him his focus should be his career. Now, which one do you think he’s dating?


2.      Men are looking for acceptance as they are. No, he’s not your self-improvement project. 

3.      Men like when you ask for help

Maybe I should have phrased it as men need to feel useful.  And, if you don’t ask, they can’t help.  A study showed an overwhelming 87% of men liked it when their partner asked for help—whether it was reading through a presentation she was working on, installing a ring doorbell, or advice on a new car or a career move


4.      Men are looking for a teammate.

There is no I in team.  Teammates complement each other in terms of strengths and weaknesses.  They work together toward goals, to solve conflicts.  Basically, an equal!


5.      Respect that a man needs his own interests

Ok, who wants to be known as just a super husband/boyfriend or amazing dad?  Sure, that’s great but we all need other passions to explore our individuality.  He goes on a Super Bowl trip each year to Vegas with his friends.  Or plays golf in a foursome every Friday.  A man needs to have his own space with friends, sports, and passions.



If you are serious about meeting someone, you can reach me by Clicking Here for a 15-minute phone call. I have a limited number of spaces for new clients each month, so I encourage you to take a look around my site first. Thanks and I look forward to speaking to find out more about you and if we are a good fit.


6.      Without judgment, men need to be heard

Often it’s better to be a good listener than a good talker.  Everyone has an opinion and these should be received without trying to change the person’s mind.  Nobody likes a self-righteous reformer.


7.      Men need intimacy

I’m not just talking about sex.  This is partially an emotional connection.  Physical connection could be taking a bath together, holding hands during a movie, an unexpected kiss.


Here’s an interesting study I’ve been following: Apparently 30 years ago when men had affairs it was because they were looking for sex (in a physical sense) outside of marriage because the physical act was missing in their marriage, and when women had affairs, they were looking for intimacy/emotional connection that was missing in their marriage. Today…it’s the opposite according to this study.  Men are looking for missing emotional elements and women are looking for missing physical connection.


8.       Respect is essential to a man’s ego

Complements versus criticism.  Building someone up, not tearing them down.  Danny*, a 49-year-old attorney described a fourth date he went on with a woman to a family wedding that he had initially liked as “horrible”.   She introduced him to several family members as a non-Ivy League attorney—and commented that’s why her clique wouldn’t know him.  Yes, she was a Yale-educated attorney.   Wow, that’s a bruiser and rude!




9.       Men need security

I’m referring to love.  How does this manifest?  It’s an individual thing.  Is a morning and nighttime kiss important?  Is a kiss upon arriving or leaving important? If you are apart, is a morning call important?  Or is it a text?  It’s different for each couple and these are just a few random examples.

Wow, I could have written more---but I wanted to share the high points I hear about when dating---and some of my clients are in relationships so I am not just coaching on how to get great dates, but on relationship issues that come up as well.

Have fun, show love and respect, and do something unexpected for each other! 

Andrea McGinty is the founder of It’s Just Lunch dating service. She sold it and founded so she could help singles navigating online dating. In the 2020s, she knows the best way to meet people is through online dating using a professional coach and specializes in singles in their 40s-70s!


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