Let’s just begin with I’m never, ever bored with my job. Why? I just never know what’s going to happen next…what a client divulges to me as I choke on my spinach wrap and hurry to hit mute, an online dating site message a client forwards to me with the words “Help…how should I respond to this person”, or the laughter we shared about a date gone well that lasted 17 hours….and so on, and so on.
My Totally 10 Random List of Online Dating Stuff:
1. Car Photos and Men Ok, my female clients and I are constantly perplexed with intelligent men and their car photos. Then, over the past week, two men “mansplained” it to me. After a new client sent me his photos (oh, to be fair, he sent me 8 but one was the inevitable car shot) ----and yes, he looked good in the photo; the car was cool and a gorgeous color too. I said “why the car shot”? He said you asked for photos with me and my interests so I sent golf, a family shot, skiing, and I collect and love cars”. Suddenly it made total sense to me.
Ok, here we go with another male client this week as well. He sent me 16 photos, 12 were very good, and 4 were him and different cars. Once again, just so I am understanding men and the car thing, I asked the same question again. He simply said that he loves car, they are one of his interests, he played with Hot Wheels as a kid and collected them---and thought nothing of posing by a car. His dad collected cars; now he collects AND fixes cars. Yep, a CEO guy. He said it’s the same as him putting on the green or cooking in the kitchen. It’s not a boasting thing for him---just part of who he is.
An AHHHHHA moment for me. Yes, some men pose with cars as a status symbol. But more pose because it’s a genuine interest! Bottomline, don’t let a car shot stop you from reaching out from that great sounding man on POF, Hinge, Match, Bumble, wherever!
2. Bathroom Photos
Ok, guys, honestly, I’m not picking on you. There is not a single good reason in the world for a bathroom shot/bathroom selfie. None.
3. Own it Ladies, you’re up to bat. So, what if you are 42, 58, 68 or 77 years old? Don’t start a relationship with a lie. And if you think men can’t tell a woman who posted her age as 67 is actually 78, you’re dreaming.
4. Date your photos Let me tell you about Amelia---a pretty, gracious 67-year-old woman from Palm Beach. She averages 1-2 high quality dates per week. Guess what almost every man has told her? “You look exactly like your photos” they say with a sigh of relief. She also dates every single photo with month/year---all are from 2022-2023. Oh, and BTW I cracked up when she told me this: Andrea, I’ve been telling the men to be patient as I have a queue and need to catch up. And they wait!
Also written in her online dating profile is “If you are fudging on your photos or age, please pass me by!”
5. People can’t change…or can they I’ve always held fast to you can’t change someone you are dating or married to (my only exception is perhaps upgrading their wardrobe!). And you shouldn’t expect them to change for you, right? A 53-year-old NY male client of mine (recently engaged…yay!) and I caught up this week and we got started on this topic. He pointed out change and adaptability are two different things---and adaptability in a relationship is necessary. I liked the way he made this distinction.
6. Ask about their children/family Not in an interrogative type of way! But you will learn a heck of a lot about a person about how they describe children, or a family member. But don’t ask about the ex on a first date!
7. 50/50 Conversations on First Dates In general, they don’t exist! In over 25+ years of being a dating coach, men tend to talk about 70% of the time on first date. Ok, don’t worry! It generally switches on the second date to a more even keeled conversation. For men, sometimes it’s nerves—sometimes it’s a genetic thing I can’t explain!!!
8. Beware of the Pen Pal Syndrome Yay---you’re messaging and it’s going well. If it goes more than 5 exchanges with no date scheduled, you are stuck. Break it. Make the move. Simply write: “love our conversations. How’s Tuesday or Wednesday for a drink after work around 6 at Chez Gabi?”. You’ll know fast---they accept, great. Otherwise, who needs a message buddy?
9. FaceTime is not a date Neither are phone calls. They are a prelude to a real date. So, get off the phone. And make an in real life date.
10. Italy Ok, who doesn’t love Italy? But if you have the travel bug and go on and on and on about Italy, stop. (Ok, this goes for any place but Italy seems to be the number one place people talk about). You’re not on Trip Advisor. Mention a few unique experiences to you that you’ve had traveling then share other interests. That’s why a good online dating profile writer is key. And no more photos of a well-known travel destination without you in the picture—we all want to see you, not the Parthenon!
Happy Dating, all and Happy Easter (if you celebrate it)!
Andrea McGinty Dating Coach/Dating Counselor 702-494-7344 Founder, 33000Dates.com