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The Ten Commandments of Online Dating

The Ten Commandments of Online Dating

These are my ten based on mega-hours spent online with clients each week as a top dating coach according to Oprah and other publications.  Score yourself at the bottom. 

Here we go:

1.       Fake it til you make it

.Self-confidence is sexy.  So, you’ve been widowed or divorced and not been on a first date since your 20’s or 30’s?   No time better than the present.


2.      Practice makes perfect.

So, you are online staring at the 312 potential men/women that showed up.  Instead of being overwhelmed, spend 30 minutes, choose 5 people, and send 5 messages.  No, they do not have to be a “10” because how the heck do you know from a dating profile what they are really like?  It’s a message, not an invitation to marriage.   It’s an opportunity to see how they respond and with what type of info they may not have included on their online dating profile.  No commitment involved!


If you do what you've always done, you'll always get what you got

3.      If you always do what you always did, you always get what you always got.

Change it up.  Be bold in your messaging.  Think quirky (not weird) and unique.


4.      Have a friend snap a few new photos of you this weekend when you’re out at dinner, golf, pickleball, cocktails.

Then use this as the primary photo.  You’ll be shocked---the people who scrolled by you in the past, may take another look at your refreshed photo.  And always date your photos—people will know you actually are going to look like this when you show up on your first date with them.



5.      Take a goofy picture. 

(not a selfie)This makes people laugh----and instead of saying in your online dating profile “I have a great sense of humor” let your photo say that. What have I seen online when helping clients pick out potential dates that stopped us in our tracks?  A Harvard-educated attorney juggling 5 pomegranates with a zany look on his face.  Of course, the rest of his photos were more “corporate” but my client immediately messaged him and it resulted in a fun date.


6.      No doomscrolling

This is dangerous to your mental health---seriously!   When you go online with a negative attitude, what do you think you’re going to get?  Nothing.


As an aside, here’s a text I received Thursday which made me happy:

Thanks for helping me and encouraging me to go out even if the person didn't look like a perfect match.


7.      Commit to Three Months Online

Why?   Most clients want to quite after week one or two.  And guess what?  The magic starts week 3.  I’m not kidding.  Look, I’ve been doing this for over 25 years and over 65% of my clients are now in relationships.  Did it happen the first two weeks?  Rarely.


8.      Keep it a secret

What?  No, we don’t need comments from the peanut gallery.  Your friends, family and acquaintances can be a major negative force.  And, what do they know?



9.      Over 50% of singles age 50 and over have had a positive experience online

Yep, that according to mega-researcher Pew, not me. 


10.   It only takes one

It doesn’t matter if you live in densely populated NYC or in the middle of horse country in Montana—there are good singles in every part of the country.  If I had a dollar for every male client who asked me “Aren’t all the good women taken” I’d start a new charity.  It doesn’t matter if you are on a dating site/dating app and there are 200 women meeting your criteria or 20---you only need one.  And from where I sit, objectively, I see this happen every single week.  So, refer back to number 7 and give it a go with 3 months, 2 hours per week and don’t make this your full-time job!


So, I invite you to score yourself—how well do you follow these ten commandments of online dating?

9-10:   You are rocking it and on the precipice of meeting the right person.

7-8:    You are making effort---keep it up!

4-6:    You are half in, half out.   Re-commit.

1-3:     Take a break.  Or hire help.  You need some serious accountability.

Oh, you might find this article interesting from Kiplinger’s this week on online dating:  Read Me!

Have a lovely weekend and don’t give up.   I know the saying is corny----but there is a lid for every pot.

Photo of Andrea McGinty and Oprah Winfrey

Love & Laughter,

Andrea McGinty


If you are looking for a top dating coach to save you a ton of time online, I’m your person!  From the initial Zoom call, to writing your unique online profile, vetting your photos, choosing the right dating site/app from experience and research to crafting great messages that get responses….and dates, I do it all.   And love helping you. 

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