As a dating coach, this is a frequent question I get. I’m successful, have plenty of friends, a solid social life and interests and when I put my mind to something, I generally accomplish it.
Ok, the real reason? And don’t be mad at my answer based on 25 years of experience---It’s YOU! You are keeping yourself single. Yep, it’s all you. It’s not the universe, it’s not the lack of single men/women, it’s not your age, it’s not where you live.
I know, all easy excuses, right? But those of you who know me and work with me—you know I’m direct (graciously!) because I want you to find a loving, fun, happy relationship.
So, here’s 5 reasons:
1. You don’t work at it. Yep, work. You’re probably successful in your professional life but that didn’t come from wishing it so. You worked. You had a plan. You knew where you wanted to end up and had a strategy. Perhaps a mentor. It wasn’t luck, right? Why is dating any different?
2. Stuck in your Comfort Zone You have a routine---a lovely home, condo, walking your dog, wine parties with your friends, an evening out watching sports with your buddies. You are doing the same old, same old. You are stuck and don’t even realize it.
3. No plan, All procrastination. You know, next year I’ll meet someone. I’ll make it my New Year’s Resolution. And we all know how those go! Most are broken the first 10 days of January. You need accountability and maybe a cheerleader (who isn’t a friend) to break this rut you are in. Think about it: When you pay a golf pro for lessons, you show up. When you do private Pilates or Yoga, you show up. Why? You’ve invested money. You took the step to better your game or health. I ask the question again: How is dating different? Ok, example: I’m thinking of a relatively new client Melissa who signed up with me a month ago. 56, pretty, divorced 5 years, kids at college and super skeptical. Talk about excuses: Men want to date younger. (Ok, 20% do according to Pew Research, but that leaves 80% in the game). I want to meet someone organically. (What the heck does that mean? The produce aisle? Walking the dog? Playing tennis with 3 girlfriends?) As you may know, I get monthly research from a top-notch research firm that tracks all sorts of industries---My report yesterday said 52,876 singles in the 40–68-year-old age category signed up for online dating LAST WEEK alone. Hey, you know what those numbers do in December and January? They rise exponentially! Yep, normal people like you and me. Back to Melissa for a second. In the past month, she’s gone on 6 first dates. 5/6 were right up her alley. She’s been on 3 second dates and having a blast.
Think you’re ready to date? You probably are. Book a 15-minute call (use this link) with me to see if I can help and we are a good fit. I only have 7 spaces left this month…and same for January as this is a busy time as singles gravitate to online dating. I’ll be your cheerleader, your coach and give spot-on advice.
After selling It’s Just Lunch a few years back, many people still ask me why I do what I do. Simple: I love helping people, love the weekly contact and really like my clients. You think you get excited when you meet someone, or get engaged, or start a relationship? You should see me! Yep, I love what I do.
4. Unrealistic Expectations She must be 5’9, slim, no baggage, athletic, well-traveled, etc. etc. etc. Ok, get over this. We all have baggage---though I like to call it in our 40’s, 50’s, 60’s---Life Experience. Don’t make lists. I go straight back to what are the most important factors in a relationship? Chemistry, Communication and Common Values. So, what if she’s 5’7 and skis and you golf. A mirror image of yourself? You’ll be bored to death.
5. Fear of the Unknown Oh, Oh, afraid of internet dating or just getting back out there in general. I have the cure. Practice. If you’re suffering from insecurity about dating or just general nerves or angst, get help. My cure? 5 Dates in the first few weeks will get restore your faith in the dating world and make it much less scary.
And dare I say fun? Because I hear that all the time!
Life, Love & Laughter,
Dating Counselor/Dating Consultant 33000Dates.com 702-494-7344 Featured on Oprah, Today Show, Bloomberg, NYT, WSJ, CNN and more