Ok, stay with me on this one---as your happiness is level is a crucial factor which dictates successful outcomes with online dating. You’ve all probably seen Harvard’s ongoing Happiness Project or the yearly stats on the Danes and Swedes being the happiest people in the world.
Why am I writing this? It’s been forefront on my mind the last few weeks as a dating coach and former matchmaker. Exactly how does your personal happiness affect your dating?
Ok, my intelligent clients, you’re like this is sooo obvious. You can’t expect another person to make you happy if you are unhappy. Agree. But read the 10 factors and have a think.
Two things compelled me to write this:
1. Whether you are my client or just follow me, you may notice you can’t sign up and you can’t see the pricing packages UNLESS you have a 15-minute call with me. Yep, the call is free and really my opportunity to learn a bit about you---and whether we are a good fit and I can help. Plus, I live for success---and 60%+ of my clients are in relationships, living together, married, etc. Not a bad batting average.
And guess what? I can tell during this 15-minute call the chances you’ll be successful based on the info you give me. Yes. Really. So, it’s a screening process for me---and you won’t waste your money and time if I’m not the fit. Because I won’t take you. It’s just me and my time is valuable---as is yours. I’ll probably just point you in another direction.
2. Yesterday, while on a 5 mile walk with Luna, my golden retriever and happiest walking buddy in the world, I was chatting with one of my sisters. (I come from a large Irish family so there’s lots of us!). Bottomline, she’s been bummed out about her love life over the past year---here she is a pretty, in great shape 50-year-old. But the stuff she is doing will get her nowhere---since she isn’t a client, I could be super blunt!!! (To differentiate, clients who know me—I’m graciously direct!).
And, I asked her, Josie*, on a scale of 1-10, how happy are you in general? Josie paused, then said a 6-7. Ok, I told her, I can work with that. Yep, siblings get me for free.
Had she said 1-4, I would have said maybe you need a therapist---which I most certainly am not. But a 7---heck yes, I can work with that. BTW, anyone who told me a 10, I think they need therapy too. LOL.
So, have you done a personal happiness check lately? Here’s 10 things to think about:
1. Social connections are really good for you*.
Why? Because loneliness kills. It forges isolation and unhappiness.
Ted Lasso, Yellowstone, The Diplomat, The Office, etc. for 3-4 hours each evening. Add those hours up and think what you could be doing! Plus, again it disconnects you from people.
3. Self-Care Now, this does not mean a costly massage/facial weekly. It could simply be scheduling a weekly lunch with a friend.
4. Your Health This needn’t be starting to train for the NY Marathon. It might be trying a hiking group, Pilates, lifting weights, hitting 10,000 steps on your Fitbit. Endorphins feel sooo good!
5. Try something new every week. I get to know my clients so well---some things they try are a self-defense class, painting, a basketball league for over 50 men, archery class. You know the big side benefit? You’ll meet new people too.
6. Pick quality over quantity. It’s the quality of your close relationships that ups your happiness quotient.
7. Hold yourself accountable. Hey, we do/did this in our professional life, raising children---why wouldn’t we do this with our personal and love life?
8. Step away and take a minute for yourself. That could be reading. It could be meditating. It could be a restorative yoga class. Hey, I see more and more high-powered men and women taking yoga (when some used to make fun of it!).
9. Go for it. Just do it. Ok, borrowing a bit from Phil Knight here (I just saw Air and loved it) ---but regret does not taste good. So, what if you are high profile and your photo is on an online dating site? And someone sees you? Well, they are on it too. Get over these obstacles.
10. Know your Self-Worth If you know this, you won’t be insecure about dating and relationships. And what do I always say? Self-confidence is sooo sexy!
Happiness matters. Be happy with yourself before pursuing a relationship. Once you are there, call me! I totally like my clients and what I do every day---it’s fun and never, ever boring.
Oh, and I have a very fun article for you later this week. I found a very unique way to meet people on a trip to Europe last week!!!
Love, Laughter and Happy Dating,
Andrea McGinty & Luna
Want to do the 15-min chat? Text me at 702-494-7344 and be sure to tell me your time zone.
*Changed my sister’s name
*From the Happiness Project partially