(So Stop Looking)

Disclosure: Yesterday morning at 5 a.m. (yes, that ungodly hour), I had the genius idea for this article. Then the day spiraled.

By 6am, NPR emailed wanting an interview.  Overnight, three East Coast clients texted: Carolina announced her engagement with a lovely photo (Yay, I almost cried but saved the tears for later today), Mark begged for a last-minute NYC restaurant recommendation for date #4 (nailed it), and Sarah wailed, Help. Two dates today, one tomorrow. Overscheduled? (Answer: yes. But cancel nothing. Keep the stamina of a marathon runner.)

By mid-morning Netflix rang. Out of nowhere. Director, a British producer, accents. “Would you potentially be interested in hosting our 2026 six-part comedy/drama series on online dating? We've had a look at your "reels" and think you'd be great.” WHAT?  Long call.  Raging excitement.  Those accents got me….was I having a London day?  (sorry, couldn’t help writing this in a bit of a Brit’s style)

Then I capped the day by sobbing into my tea during the Downton Abbey finale. RIP Maggie. RIP Lady Sybil. RIP my mascara.

So, albeit a day late, here’s your Fun Friday/Snarky Saturday list:

1. The Spirit Airlines Queue

If he can’t afford Delta, he can’t afford dinner. And no, Trevor, your “emotional support iguana” isn’t endearing—it’s a reptile.

2. The Bowling Alley

Yes, the shoe-cleaner lad has Dettol in his veins, but Cupid’s arrows? Not in stock.

3. Anger Management Class

Personal growth is attractive. Court-mandated rage with a laminated name badge? Less so.

4. The DMV Without an Appointment

Ah yes, romance under flickering fluorescent lights while Kevin bellows, “B248?! I’M B249!” Be still, my beating heart.

5. Your HOA Meeting

Because nothing screams passion like a retiree shouting about mulch regulations with zeal.

6. Divorce Attorney’s Waiting Room

If he’s here, he’s broke, bitter, and practising his “kids are the real victims” monologue for anyone who’ll listen.

7. Bass Pro Shops (Camo Lingerie Section)

Yes, darling, nothing says “forever” like knickers that double as a deer blind. Do you take Visa or Venmo?

8. Spencer’s Gifts Clearance Bin

If his idea of seduction is a lava lamp and a fart machine, congratulations—you’ve pulled a 14-year-old in a man’s body.

9. Chuck E. Cheese… Alone

If he’s there without a child, don’t ask questions. Just run.

10. Expired Bed Bath & Beyond Coupons

Ah, the pièce de résistance: a coupon wallet produced over appetisers. Expired, of course. “Nice to meet you, Nigel. Goodbye forever.”

So there you are. Get out this weekend, find someone decent, and for heaven’s sake—don’t do it at the mulch meeting.

xx, Andrea

No one on the books this weekend?  It’s time to call me. Click.