So, you just ended a relationship....yesterday or a year ago! You fall off your bike---time to get right back on again! So, let's get dating again and move forward:
1. Don't mention your bad break-up on the first 5 dates!
You are out on your first date to see if you like the person enough to go onto a 2nd date, 3rd date etc---you are not here to disclose your entire dating history or to audition for marriage! While we all come with “baggage” as in past relationships (I prefer to call it experience!), the first few dates are not the time to be fixated on the past or bring up a woman who cheated on you! Eventually, you will share more but not on the first few dates!
2. Jump back into dating with curiosity, a sense of adventure and a super positive attitude. From my clients’ attitudes, I can almost immediately tell who will succeed in finding a relationship and those that will not. Dating and meeting someone you fall in love with is not a destination---it’s a journey. Think of all these people you will meet who are outside your tight circle of friends. My client Lauren went out on a date with Jon; it was fun, but no chemistry. She invited him to a cocktail party…and you guessed it! He met one of her friends and they are now engaged!
3. Hire a dating coach/consultant---they will be your cheerleader, your mentor, your pro at navigating online dating
4. Don't listen to friends (esp. the negative ones or the ones who met their wife on their 2nd date online and somehow think they are an expert now).
Ok, they will fall into two categories: 1. The Smug Marrieds: They will look at you horrified that you are even suggesting online dating as they met their other half in grad school and 2. Terrorists They signed up for online dating, had one date that didn’t work out and continue to peruse the internet to find frightening dating stories to make up for their ineptitude. (or lack of social graces)
5. Take a good look at your appearance and make some improvements---not only will it help your dating life it will cheer you up. Here are some things I strongly encourage my 33000Dates.com clients to do: Shave off that scraggly Covid-19 beard, get a great haircut, have your nails buffed and clean.
6. Whiten your teeth
7. Go to SNAPPR and hire a photographer to take new photos of you (and tell them it's for dating so we don't get boring LinkedIn Photos)
8. Make an appointment with a stylist at Nordstrom or Neiman Marcus---they'll help you pick out 5-6 new looks for you---wow, will you feel good after this
9. Hire a dating consultant then to select your photos, the right dating site/app for you, and write a short, quirky fun profile so you get noticed. Having someone else write a dating profile for you helps tremendously with objectivity and creativity.
10. Depressed still? Don't start dating---try out a therapist for 2-3 months weekly to help you move forward
11. Your goal the first month back in the dating scene? 5-6 first dates--your confidence will come flying back, you'll "practice" dating skills and get YOU out of YOUR head. Ok, so you’ve had the bad break-up but probably been with that person for awhile. Time to rebuild some of your cool confidence (after all, we tend to get a bit lackadaisical after dating someone for a year), meet new people with new interests—after all, isn’t this the spice of life?
Try new places, new activities (axe throwing is huge right now followed by cocktails---not the other way around!) and new faces. Guess what? You’ll be surprised that now not only are you meeting women/men online, but at the food market, health club, driving range. It’s YOU----you’re attracting them with your found-again confidence!