If you’ve worked with me, you know I don’t mess around. I want you off to a fast start on dating: on dating sites, apps, etc. for several reasons.
A new client of mine, Claire, 57, widowed, independent and a successful business woman, was aghast when I told her that I expected her to go on 5 dates in the first two weeks. I spoke to her earlier this week and here’s her story:
“I’m a confident person but was nervous after a 20-year marriage---you wanted me on 5 dates! I haven’t gone on any dates in 3 years since my husband passed and here’s what happened:
· I learned I can still talk about things other than business
· By date 3, my confidence level soared
· This was sort of fun and the men I was meeting I would have never run into in my day-to-day life
· Two were terrific men I’ll see again, the other 3, well, I thought what in the world was I thinking when I chose them?!?
· By date 5, I absolutely knew what I didn’t want”
So, why am I insistent on a fast start?
1. You learn much about yourself!
What you like, what you don’t---and we can quickly screen out the singles in the future that will not be a good match for you. As a 25+ year dating coach, I learn much about you from those first 5 dates---maybe even more than I had on our one-hour Zoom call.
2. Confidence soars.
With online dating, yes, it’s possible to meet 5 singles in 2 weeks. In your day-to-day life, no way. Think of it this way---the first time you picked up a golf club or pickleball paddle, were you confident?
3. You learn what you want.
For this particular client, she learned that she was a pretty adventurous traveler. Two men told her their idea of exciting trips this year were a.) driving cross country and b.) visiting battle sights in the US. I’m absolutely not knocking these—but her idea of travel was trekking the Camino de Santiago in the Fall and visiting the Vatican on a Wednesday for a papal blessing. When she mentioned these two things, both men looked startled.
4. Working vs Retirement
Claire loves what she does and has no intention of stopping until she’s in her late 60’s, early 70’s. Several men were content in retirement babysitting grandchildren. It’s just the case of perhaps right person, wrong time in life. We’ve decided no more retired men for her, with little or no passionate interests or hobbies.
5. Comparisons
5 dates give you a great feel for the different types of singles looking for love or a long-term relationship. Claire commented that had she not known she had a coaching call with me this week, she would have quit the dating site after 2 dates.
Accountability works. Having an objective person who is not your brother or best friend reaps benefits. It also works as a cheerleading mechanism---you have someone knowledgeable on your side making tweaks in your profile, the site you are on, the matches you are selecting for first dates, helping you craft messages that get responses, and making the process much more fun.
I think one of my clients said it much better than I ever could:
“Online dating is like going into an unknown jungle with all kinds of wild animals, dangerous plants, and traps….but also gorgeous flowers, sweet animals and revitalizing pools. Andrea is the no-nonsense safety guide who does the briefing BEFORE you go in and then is also the guide who points out things along the way. Sometimes, she has to pick you up after a bad fall and dust you off. Now, imagine going into the jungle with NO guide or briefing…. no wonder people have horrible experiences!”
Have a lovely weekend and Happy Dating!
Andrea McGinty Founder, https://www.33000Dates.com
Text me at 702-494-7344 for a free 15 minute call to see if I can help and we are a good fit. Or go to my site and sign up.