Yes, these are real! As a dating coach, spending hours daily online with clients, working with an educated group looking for love, LTR and getting back into dating, the things we encounter on a regular basis just couldn’t be made up!
So here we go:
1. Freebies If they didn’t pay, stay away. No skin in the game---they aren’t serious. And keep in mind from Bumble to Match to Hinge and all those in between, they are for profit businesses and marketing machines! So, some sites allow “free” members---they either sign up as free or are left online long after their paid memberships have expired.
The issue: you can message them as a paying member and the chances of getting a response are less than 1%. So, don’t bother. Why? All that happens with your message spinning through cyberspace is that it may be sent to the non-payer, with a blurred photo of you, enticing them to meet you. They click on you---and are immediately directed to pay to see you. Bye-Bye. They, of course, don’t pay and it was a time waster for you. Only pick singles that have real memberships easily seen on their profile.
2. Anyone with one photo.
What’s up here? Numero uno evidence of a scammer. Probably not a real person and profile written by a bot. Delete.
3. Writing long messages to a potential date
No. Do not. Keep it to 3-4 short sentences with one question asked. Don’t reiterate things in your bio. Our minds have been trained to fast, easy gratification. Save your past, kids, grandkids for future in real-life dates. There is one, and only one goal to messaging: Meeting for a first date.
Not sure what to do about Online Dating and if you are ready? Try a free 15 minute intro call with me---we can see if we are a good fit and I can help. Click here.
As my client Kara, 58, in Dallas wrote me last week:
My least favorite part of online dating was the amount of time investment it takes. Andrea helped take the burden off my shoulders.
4. Phone conversations Over 90% a waste of time. Messaging back and forth 3-4 times is great—then settle for making a date in person for lunch, coffee or a drink in a safe venue. Chemistry happens in real life. Do you really need a phone buddy?
Plus, here’s what can happen on the phone: a) you have a 30-minute conversation and think you click and go into the date with way too high expectations or b) the phone conversation is stilted---some people aren’t good on the phone and you eliminate this person who may have been a great date in person for you. The only time I see it as worthwhile is when you are contemplating meeting someone over 100+ miles away---then a quickie conversation may be beneficial to see if it’s worth the travel.
5. One tiny iota of negativity in their Profile or Response Yep, here’s a real message from a woman to one of male clients yesterday “Tell me about your marriage and why it ended. My ex cheated on me so I’m ultra-careful”. Mark and I looked at her message---she was super attractive but not after that message. Block. Delete. One single we looked at yesterday had in her profile: "My non-negotiables are tall, very successful, likes to treat me to vacations and make me his number one priority in his life". Oh, that's attractive. My client Robert and I just cracked up----as there was much more to her list!
As one of my favorite clients put it in an email to me last week:
“Online dating is like going into an unknown jungle with all kinds of wild animals, dangerous plants, and traps…. but also gorgeous flowers, sweet animals and revitalizing pools. Andrea is the no-nonsense safety guide who does the briefing BEFORE you go in and then is also the guide who points out things along the way. Sometimes, she has to pick you up after a bad fall and dust you off. Now, imaging going into the jungle with NO guide or briefing…. no wonder people have horrible experiences!”
Happy Dating! It’s an adventure!
Love, Life and Laughter,
Andrea McGinty Dating Coach and Dating Counselor 33000Dates.com