Updated: Oct 5, 2022
In a recent poll of my male clients as a dating coach, these items came up as the biggest red flags/complaints. But hang on guys, you’re not off the hook---up next article is complaints women have about men with online dating.
This poll focused on all aspects of online dating---from the initial encounter online to going on up to 5 in-real-life dates. The men were ages 35-65 polled, 742 total men. All are using online dating.
So, here we go!
1. Misrepresenting Physical Attributes When polled, men said this ranged from lying about age, physical shape to not looking remotely like the photos posted online. Interestingly enough, 68% of the men said had the women told their accurate age, weight and current photos, they would have still gone on dates with them. 59% declined a second date---primarily due to the misstatements.
2. First dates Questions delving into the Ex This was an overwhelming response. Men polled said this has occurred on at least 80% of their first dates. Now, this does not mean the lighter question “Are you divorced” or “How old are your kids”? Most did not care about this question as 87% of men said their children were very important in their lives. But what was surprising…and offensive…was this question. “Why did you get divorced”? Why? a. If you read their online dating profile, the great majority already say if they are divorced. b. Men commented that a first date is just a “do I like her personality and looks” versus let’s delve into the past. c. Once the “Why are you divorced” question surfaced on the first date, 91% of men said it led to a rather negative discussion, generally led by the woman into her past marriage. Talk about a turn-off!
Why a Male Client Chose a Dating Coach (he wrote this 2-weeks ago):
Mark, 59, Doctor, NYC
1. I chose a dating coach, because I had been in a marriage for 28 years and the single scene was vastly different from when I was in my 20’s. The internet opened up a many new possibilities in terms of meeting singles, but also presented many challenges which were easier to tackle with a dating coach.
2. Did not try online dating prior to you. (Andrea, pictured) Mainly because I felt could rely on friends, family, coworkers to introduce me to prospective dates. Very quickly realized that dating someone you work with is not a great idea, and most of my family, friends are married and did not have a large pool of single ladies that they could introduce me to.
3. Working with you was the best decision I made in terms of online dating. First of all, you listened to what I wanted (interviewed a couple of other dating coaches, and felt like l they were working off a check list). Second of all you took the time to help me construct an online profile that not only captured who I am, but also were able to cogently express what I was seeking in a partner.
4. Working with you was an absolute delight. I called you my “canary in a coal mine”, because with your vast experience you were able to really predict what was going to happen. That included my initial interactions on the sites and subsequent dates. You saved me a lot of time weeding out the chaff and with your help. I was able to find the life partner who I plan to spend the rest of my life with.
3. The men paid on first dates according to 81% polled. Now, there is no complaint here by the men I asked. However, they did mention the follow-up text should come from the women within 24 hours expressing gratitude---whether or not they would like to go on a second date. I think it’s called manners!
4. Receiving hearts/likes/winks/smiles online with no message as a first overture online. Over 75% of men wonder why the woman couldn’t take 3 minutes and send off a message too versus just tossing the ball in the man’s court.
5. Always coming up with the First and Second Date ideas. Over 60% of men love when women make the suggestion for the first dates---whether it’s a glass of wine at a specific place or lunch at a favorite restaurant. Also, men commented on this phrase women tend to throw out: “Would like to grab coffee or lunch sometime”. Vague, perhaps not confident or that interested. Instead, over 70% of men appreciated specifics such as “How is Wednesday or Thursday around 6:30 for a margarita at Xavier’s?” Why? The men commented that the woman is truly interested, gave a date (s), and a favorite place. It’s appreciated!
Okey, dokey, friends, as I mentioned, women are up to bat next! Stay tuned.
Life, Love and Laughter,
Andrea McGinty, Dating Coach & Dating Counselor
https://www.33000Dates.com 702-494-7344 Founder, ItsJustLunch.com and 33000Dates.com