Yes, how you self-talk creates your success …or failure. In life. In dating. In everything, right?
Quick example: I have a new 56-year-old client who told me she wasn’t sure anyone would want to date her—after all, she was widowed. I’m looking at her on our Zoom call thinking, “What? She’s darling! Dimples, gracious Texan accent and in great shape”.
And, I said, directly and bluntly (graciously though), don’t ever say or think that again. (Otherwise, she was quite confident on the call---just married so long and nervous about her very first date). Science has proven we have something like 80,000 thoughts a day----and 60-70% are negative. OMG! Startling. And no, I have absolutely no idea how someone figured that out!
Upward and onward on how you should be talking to yourself:
1. I make my own decisions, take the actions and am responsible for the results. You betcha. So, last week you played a lot of golf or tennis, binged The Diplomat, and went online once for 20 minutes. You now have no dates this week. Decision + Actions = No Dates.
2. My past needn’t be my future. Sure, the past shapes us and has a huge impact on who we are today. Is change possible? My Mom (thinking/missing you, Mom on Mother’s Day) once told me the only certainty in life is change. She wasn’t talking about dating, just life in general. You may have been in an unhappy marriage. You may feel you wasted 5 years on a man who couldn’t commit. Intelligent people learn from these mistakes. And guess what? When I’m working with them, they see red flags after one or two or maybe three dates and cut it off immediately. The past did affect the future in a great way in dating!
3. I’m not easily influenced by other’s opinions. OK, I can’t stress this one enough! How many clients have told me horror stories their friends have told them about online dating? Tons. I always laugh. Oh my gosh, this isn’t 2005 or 2010 when the online dating world was still figuring out safety features. How about this one: My married friends tell me online dating is for losers. And you’re married friends solution is….??? And they know this how?
4. Self-care is not the same as selfish. If you’re not taking care of yourself, who will?
5. Optimism leads to achievement. If you think you are going to meet someone, you will. If you don’t, you won’t.
Happy Mother’s Day to all you Mom’s, those with Mom’s and those who are missing their Mom’s.
You know what? Last year (I looked), I had 6 children (well, adults) give their Mom a gift card to my service for Mother’sDay. I was thrilled. One Mom was not thrilled, 3 are dating someone seriously and the other 2 Moms are still dating.
Love,
Andrea McGinty and Luna 33000Dates.com Dating Counselor and Dating Coach