Talking to clients all week on coaching calls as a dating consultant, I hear the most intriguing and interesting stories. Today I’m sharing this week's crop---I changed names, so don’t worry!
1. When he/she expects you to change Nope, not going to happen….and why would you want to change for a person or have them change for you? So, Trina is a pretty, 55-year-old New Yorker with a very social career entailing many parties----the man she was dating, Don, before she came to me, hated these things and was very introverted. Well, this is Trina’s life—and she can’t change Don.
She’s now dating Kevin who is a bit more outgoing and enjoys her social agenda. I always say the only thing you can change about a man is his clothes!
2. When your fundamental values and beliefs are different Stop right here. There’s no way this will work----ever. Attraction only lasts so long.
3. When he/she puts little effort into the relationship Lauren was in a relationship with Mark (or so she thought) prior to me meeting her. She finally broke it off after he would go off the grid for weeks at a time, then text her 2 weeks later and apologize as he was busy at work. This went on for 4 months. Now, there is absolutely no reason to accept this---it’s not a relationship, but a convenience for him. Lauren is currently dating David and just had her 7th date with him---he calls and texts when he says he will.
4. When you keep thinking things will get better They won’t. Remember this: the best behavior we are all on is usually in the first month or two of dating. If you see these signs in the first few weeks, run, this is a big red flag and time to move on to someone who has the same relationship goals as you do.
5. When one of you does not feel the same about the other Seems obvious, right? Kevin, 62, an attorney in Palm Beach was dating Kira—he was attracted to her and loved her laughter and joie de vivre. But she wouldn’t respond to his texts, or cancel a date an hour before. Kevin’s a bright guy and caught on in a month and moved on to another women who is now responsive, fun and feels the same way about him.
I work with intelligent singles. But sometimes out heart overtakes out brain—But hopefully we cut it off quickly!
Last week I wrote a blog and mentioned over 50,000 people joined online dating last week according to the WSJ----as I mentioned to several clients this week, I made an error. It was ONE site that had over 50,000 new clients in one week.
As I tell you all, buckle your seatbelts and get ready for a wild ride---between now and January 15 the online dating population just explodes. It happens every year---between the holiday spirit and New Year’s it gets crazy. Never a better time to date with an incredible pool of people!
Ohhhhkkk, last, since many of you ask me about my love life and you know I’ve been helping singles for over 25 years and love it. So, after a 24-year marriage, I, too was single. After taking care of some issues with my teen daughters (priority, right?) and my ill father, I decided it was time to date.
What did I do? I didn’t dip my toes in the dating pool---I dove. My female clients laugh when I tell them about my first week with 5 first dates---I was exhausted, met nice men, (no chemistry) and was having trouble keeping them straight—like what we had talked about. BTW, each of these men I had reached out to first. No leaving it to serendipity for me!
The third week, I met a man who had been in Cape Cod taking care of his ailing Dad and didn’t make the first week cut as he wasn’t around. Yep, once again, I reached out. And the rest is history.
Please believe there are great people online (yep, a few not so great too). But the majority I’ve encountered in the past few years working with my clients, the quality is there and you needn’t settle! I see it happen every day.
Give yourself the gift of love for Christmas, Kwanza, Hannukah or whatever you may celebrate!
Andrea McGinty Dating Coach/Dating Counselor 33000Dates.com 702-494-7344 (text me anytime!)