Yes—these are damaging.“Dangerous” might sound dramatic… but after 30+ years of being a dating coach and matchmaker (and no, that does not make me old—thank you very much), I can tell you one thing with confidence:

Attitude drives outcomes.In business. In golf. In my 20-year-old daughter’s film-school dreams that her film is headed to Sundance (according to her… and honestly I love that confidence).And especially in dating.

So let’s clear out the beliefs that quietly ruin great love stories—before they ruin yours.

1) “I’m looking for the one.”

The one? Singular? Forever?That’s a lot of pressure to put on a human you haven’t even met yet.

There isn’t a person “reserved” for you like a table at Nobu. Love is not a scavenger hunt. It’s a choice—romance + partnership + timing + effort.

Also: if “the one” were real, divorced and widowed people would be… what? Out of luck?Exactly.

2) “There’s nobody online for me.”

I hear this daily.

Then we go online together for an hour… and suddenly seven viable humans appear.

And you say, “Andrea, this only happens when you’re with me.”No. It happens when you know what you’re doing.

Online dating isn’t the problem. It’s the strategy.

3) “I only date 10s.”

Selective?

Great.

Only “10s”?

That’s not standards—that’s fantasy.

Perfection isn’t real. Chemistry, shared values, and communication are real.

Also—gentle question: are you a 10?None of us are. And that’s the point.

4) “This shouldn’t take work.

Huh?

Anything worth having takes effort. Businesses. Golf swings. Raising orchids.

Love is no exception.

Yes, I once had a client meet her husband because her kitchen was on fire and the firefighter fell for her.That’s luck.

I’ve seen that once in 30 years. Let’s not build a plan around it.

5) “My partner should make me happy.”

That’s a heavy lift for another human.

Your partner should add to your happiness—not be responsible for manufacturing it.

Happiness is shared. Not outsourced.

6) “No one is perfect…”

True. But the real question is: are you great together?

Robin Williams nailed it in Good Will Hunting: "neither of you is perfect. The question is whether you’re right for each other".   (He was talking to Matt Damon about Minnie Driver).

Everyone has flaws. The real test is:Can you live with their worst 5–10%?

7) “I want everything this time. I won’t settle.”

You sound like a second grader in a candy store with a credit card.

First lesson of economics: you don’t get everything. Smart daters rank their top 10—and then cross off 4–10.

If you get the top 3?

That’s not settling. That’s winning.

8) “Love should be unconditional.”

Should it?

What if they lie? Cheat? Break trust?

Unconditional love does not mean unconditional access.Betray trust → you lose the privilege.

9) “I’ve got them—now the work is done.

Nope. That’s when the real work begins.

Love is a fire. Stop tending it, it goes out. Fuel it, and it burns brighter over time.

The honeymoon phase ending isn’t a failure. It’s an invitation to go deeper.

The Truth

Smart dating isn’t about luck.It’s about mindset + strategy + effort, applied consistently.

Change the beliefs.Change the outcomes.

That’s how grown-up love actually works.

XX,

Andrea (Your Dating Coach)

BTW, anyone bugged by Valentine's Day ads? I definitely have some comments on VD....you'll hear more about that next week.