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Am I too picky? Ask A Dating Coach

As a dating coach, I get asked many questions each week and wanted to share this week’s top online dating questions. Then a couple of fun outcomes.

Michael, 62, NYC: Am I too picky? Is that why my response rate is low?

Andrea: No---this is your love life, Michael, YOUR personal life. Of course, it’s fine to be picky. Now the key though is being on the correct dating site(s), for you. Generally, I encourage not putting all your eggs in one basket---meaning two dating sites/apps to begin is a good target.

If response rate is low, this generally points to one of 3 issues: wrong site for you demographically, lackluster photos or a poorly crafted profile that gives potential dates almost no information about you. It’s tough to message you back then---and they will skip right on to the next candidate. Having help writing your dating profile can make a dramatic difference. I also might recommend that you take the Online Dating Quiz!

Lauren, Irvine, Ca, 49: Do people really meet quality people online? And men want to date younger, right?

Andrea: To the first part of your question, hey, you are online, right? Yes, they sure do---according to Pew Research 1 in 3 marriages in 2020 were a direct result of online dating. Twenty years ago, there was a scary stigma associated with online dating—that absolutely has been eradicated. Great news for those in their second acts of dating.

To the “men want to date younger” question, sure, sometimes. And woman also often will date a bit younger too. Based on my 25+ years as a dating counselor, founder of It’s Just Lunch dating service and founder of, I’d estimate that 85% want to date around their own age. Good odds.

Want to know what made me smile last night?

As a night owl, I finished checking messages around 11pm and the following text came in (slightly redacted by me) —I worked with this client last Spring and last I heard, he was super excited about a 56-year-old woman he’d met online. Here’s the text from a Ryan, a 55-year-old pediatric surgeon in Chicago (when he came to me, he had just ended a 25-year marriage, was super busy at work, in his free time only wanted to ski and climb mountains and wanted to outsource his dating life to me) I received last night:

Ted, 34, Portland biologist/scientist: I’m shy, introverted, nerdy and have little dating experience. Do you think online dating would help me?

Andrea: I told this to Ted in February---yes. Practice makes perfect, kind of. Dating coaching helps. After 4-5 first dates with different women, he would relax and actually enjoy himself.

And this is the text I got last night and this morning:

Yes, these are real texts, I get them weekly, sometimes daily, monthly--- this is why I do what I do. It makes me happy when you meet someone you really like…or fall in love with…or marry.

(Hopefully you can see these are real texts from the horrific job I did removing info that was too personal-my graphic designer wasn’t answering his phone today!).

Love & Laughter,

As a dating coach, I get asked many questions each week and wanted to share this week’s top online dating questions. Then a couple of fun outcomes.


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