True Romances of an Online Dater
I met (via Zoom) with Emma in late May, and with her blessing, I am writing today about the ups and downs of online dating with a client I worked closely with. There is no sugar coating as it’s not a Lifetime Holiday Movie, but what real people encounter when they hire a dating coach to help them find the “one.”
So, let’s start with the Zoom call---I learned she has relocated in the past year from the East Coast to the West Coast to be near her 21-year-old daughter. Now, while Emma answered all my questions, she was a bit reticent and reluctant to get too personal. (If you know me and my style, I must get personal for you to get results!). My other thoughts: 62 years old, pretty, athletic, divorced, classy and a successful professional with a vocabulary that stunned me---plus made ME nervous writing her dating profile. (Yes, she’s written books).
Emma was direct and told me she had been on Match, Bumble, Hinge, eHarmony and Zoosk; her goal being a long-term relationship. She mentioned she did not reach out to men and ask for the date, waiting for him to make the first move. Uhh-huh, I thought, we are going to change that! Frankly, she was discouraged by online dating.
Couples goat yoga and axe throwing are a thing!
Except---Emma was very receptive to ideas from me---and if she was not, I reminded her that she was paying me for my advice.
Weekly chats later tweaking her photos, dating profile and dating sites---Emma was set to rock and roll. By mid-June, she had gone on 5 dates with different men, enjoying each in a different manner---and even had asked one man out. Progress! Read on!
What Emma said about me! . . .
I’ve been divorced for 11 years and worked with a number of dating coaches before meeting Andrea. She taught me a couple tricks that really made a difference. They include keeping that first phone call to no more than 15 minutes, and -- most importantly -- if the initial call was going well, ASKING for the date instead of waiting for him to ask. As a result, I went on a lot more dates in a short period of time. It’s that first, live date that tells you if you like each other, not a long phone call, days of endless texting or even a video date. She was also great at helping me target and search for the right guys online, sorting through the “duds,” and being an endless cheerleader when I felt discouraged.
Then came a great date with Michael*----only to learn he was waiting for his wife to die. She thought, there is no way I can go on this journey with him. Then came Sam with a sloppy, slurpy, surprising kiss in the parking lot. No, thank you very much for dinner though.
Next came Ethan and his 8 children. Up to bat next was Nick---several dates ensued from a champagne picnic to kayaking---until one night he was late picking her up for an outdoor concert. He insisted on parking close by (though they were an hour late) and spent another 40 minutes looking for a space while Nick became more and more furious, his face went red, and he was honking his horn. Nope, Emma thought. This guy is too angry for me.
Now we are getting to the fun part. In early September, Jack was the lucky man with a date with Emma. Emma called me the next day and I quote “We had such a blast; I know I’ll never see him again.’
What? Why not? Oh, Emma continued, he’s too much fun and (maybe a player?)and not my type. He called her the next day—a 56-minute call. Jack rented bikes and they spent Saturday riding bikes along the Pacific Coast Highway. Then a picnic on the beach listening to a concert. The next surprise? Goat Yoga was the gift John gave her for her birthday which they did together. For her birthday he also took her to the legendary Las Brisas in Laguna Beach complete with dancing afterward.
Then they had the “talk.” Yep, they were exclusive.
Boom. The next big move for Emma---she invited him to Thanksgiving to meet her daughter, and now they see each other at least 3 times a week. Sometimes you must kiss a lot of frogs. Sometimes it takes a few dates to know if you’ve met your prince.
On Saturday night, Emma texted me a photo. The two of them at a holiday party.
I was soooo excited. They looked great together. Ok, I even showed my teens---they loved her style!
And if you ever wonder why I do what I do, it’s my clients like Emma who I become close to, happy when they are happy, find new options when they are not (yes, at one point early in the process Emma was discouraged, maybe after the slurpy kiss, and I recommended she take a two- week break from online dating sites and dating general, in order to come back refreshed).
There’s a lid for every pot! Stay positive and self-confident and the magic will happen!
Thanks Emma, for allowing me to share your story and photo!
Love & Happy Holidays,
*Names were changed but dates and everything else is true.