Four Standards Smart Daters Us

Ok, yes — I’ve had years to think about this… 30, to be precise, as a dating coach and matchmaker.

So can you settle for 2 or 3 out of the 4 standards?

Nope.

Because here’s the problem: no one really teaches us how to choose a life partner. Most of us are winging it based on what we saw growing up, what our friends do, or whatever rom-com nonsense we accidentally absorbed on Netflix.

But there are standards.

And there is absolutely no reason to settle.

So today’s a short-and-sweet Andrea-style decoder ring for dating and long-term relationship dilemmas.

Standard #1: You like (or love) how they treat you.

It’s simple: treatment matters. If you’re considering someone long-term, kindness and respect are non-negotiable — especially when things get bumpy. They communicate with maturity, compassion, and respect (not sarcasm, stonewalling, or “I’m fine” as a weapon).

Standard #2: And simply again: You respect them.

You genuinely respect their values, choices, and lifestyle. Yep — you admire them. (If you’re constantly cringing, correcting, or “managing” them… that’s not romance. That’s unpaid internship energy.)

Standard #3: Compatibility.

So how do you rank this? Those of you who work with me know I like strategy and data — we use my 1–100 system for dating. But for compatibility, think 1–10. And they must be above a 5.

What does that mean? No, they don’t have to do all the same things you do. That’s just dating your clone, and it gets boring fast. Look more at the real factors: energy level (couch potato vs. let’s go!), core values, and whether your goals and priorities actually match.

Standard #4: Chemistry.

Oh boy. Important, right? But how important?

Same as #3 — rate it 1–10. Above a 5? Yes.And no, it’s not always going to be a first-month 9 or 10. That “can’t-eat-can’t-sleep” thing is fun… and also not a sustainable business model.

Now… do I have you thinking:“Hey, 3 out of 4 is pretty good?”

Let me stop you right there.

Here’s what I hear daily from clients:

• “She’s so fun and cute… but I’m not physically attracted to her. Will I be in 4 months?” Probably not.

• “We have major chemistry… but he spends all his time with his golf friends and family. Will this work?” No.

  
  

Uh-uh.

You need all four.

Never settle.

XX,

Andrea McGinty

Dating Coach, 33000Dates.com

Featured on Oprah, WSJ, NYT, Today Show and People Magazine