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From the Male Perspective: What Men need in Dating and a Relationship

Don’t worry---I also think about what a woman needs too---but that is another article coming out soon. Yes, I understand dating and a relationship is a two-way street, so please don’t think I’m ignoring this from a female standpoint.

Providing dating consulting services since the 1990’s, I’ve been fortunate to listen to tens of thousands of singles and help with online dating. At the moment, I have more male clients in their 30’s to 60’s that I am working with weekly than women, so this had been on my mind as I listen to them recap each weeks’ dating adventures.

So, if you are surprised by any of these, it comes from talking to so many single men looking for love. And, to those women who tell me there are no good men left or they are all married, let me graciously disagree with you!

My new book, out in September 2023 focuses on the differences between men and women---primarily strategies derived from a business and personal point of view and how to use a better game plan to meet the one.

1. Men need to feel supported.

No, here I’m not referring to finances. They want to feel encouraged by you. Perhaps they are jumping into a new business venture or trying a new sport---they want to feel your approval and respect. Look for ways to help build their self-esteem. For example, right now I have a 55-year-old male client, Jack*, who’s priority this year is staying in great shape---more than making money. He wants to live a healthy, long life and before coming to me had spent 6 months at Canyon Ranch to whip himself into a mindset of health, well-being and great habits. (Yes, he’s financially secure though never boasts of this). When he was getting ready to start this 6-month journey, the woman he was dating told him it was a waste of money. Zero support. Yes, she’s history.

As he goes through the dating process, he finds women who thinks that is awesome---and others who tell him his focus should be his career. Now, which one do you think he’s dating?

2. Men are looking for acceptance as they are. No, he’s not your self-improvement project.

3. Men like when you ask for help

Maybe I should have phrased it as men need to feel useful. And, if you don’t ask, they can’t help. A study showed an overwhelming 87% of men liked when their partner asked for help—whether it was reading through a presentation she was working on, installing a ring doorbell, or advice on a new car or a career move

4. Men are looking for a teammate. There is no I in team. Teammates complement each other in terms of strengths and weaknesses. They work together toward goals, to solve conflicts. Basically, an equal!

5. Respect that a man needs his own interests. Ok, who wants to be known as just a super husband/boyfriend or amazing dad? Sure, that’s great but we all need other passions to explore our own individuality. He goes on a Super Bowl trip each year to Vegas with his friends. Or plays golf in a foursome every Friday. It’s important for a man to have his own space with friends, sports, passions.

6. Without judgment, men need to be heard. Often it’s better to be a good listener than good talker. Everyone has an opinion and these should be received without trying to change the person’s mind. Nobody likes a self-righteous reformer.

7. Men need intimacy. I’m not just talking about sex. This is partially emotional connection. Physical connection could be taking a bath together, holding hands during a movie, an unexpected kiss.

Here’s an interesting study I’ve been following: Apparently 30 years ago when men had affairs it was because they were looking for sex (in a physical sense) outside of marriage because the physical act was missing in their marriage, and when women had affairs, they were looking for intimacy/emotional connection that was missing in their marriage. Today…it’s the opposite according to this study. Men are looking for missing emotional element and woman are looking for missing physical connection.

8. Respect is essential to a man’s ego. Complements versus criticism. Building someone up, not tearing them down. Danny*, a 39-year-old attorney described a fourth date he went on with a woman to a family wedding that he had initially liked as “horrible”. She introduced him to several family members as a non-Ivy League attorney—and commented that’s why her clique wouldn’t know him. Yes, she was a Yale educated attorney. Wow, that’s a bruiser and rude!


9. Men need security I’m referring to love. How does this manifest? It’s an individual thing. Is a morning and nighttime kiss important? Is a kiss upon arriving or leaving important? If you are apart, is a morning call important? Or is it a text? It’s different for each couple and these are just a few random examples.

Wow, I could have written more---but I wanted to share the high points I hear about when dating---and some of my clients are in relationships so I am not just coaching on how to get great dates, but on relationship issues that come up as well.

Have fun, show love and respect, and do something unexpected for each other!

Love and Happy Dating,

Andrea McGinty Founder, 33000Dates Founder, It’s Just Lunch (sold) 702-494-7344

*All names changed and permission granted by my client

Things I love doing for you—

Write a dating profile Help with online dating profile and choosing online dating sites Dating consulting services (new or existing relationships) Being your Dating expert (according to Oprah, thank you!!!)

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Jun 10, 2023
Rated 5 out of 5 stars.

Great perspective from men on what they need in a relationship. I'm all for it!

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