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Know What You Want: If You Build Them, They Will Come!

And, so exactly what does this mean? A baseball field and dream team?

Nope, when you’re looking for that special someone, the “one”, you need to figure out who that person is going to be. Knowing what you want and what you’re looking for really helps you find the right man with dating online and with what you will include on your online dating profile as you navigate the wonderful, wild, and wide world of online dating!

We once conducted a dating seminar with both men and women where attendees were asked to design their perfect mates as specifically as possible. The goal was to create a wish list of all the qualities and characteristics we felt important. It was a great exercise: many daters realize they didn’t know what they wanted; however, they had very concrete ideas of what they didn’t want!

Which, for me, is probably even easier when I’m working with women on meeting men online to know what they don’t want. Huh? Seems counterintuitive. But, it’s just turning a negative into a positive. A few years ago, I spent several weeks helping direct a 20/20 news segment on exactly this. What are single daters looking for? What's non-negotiable?

So, let’s start here:

List about 20 qualities that mean something to you. Next, look over this list and separate your “deal breakers” from “your ideals”.

Be Flexible and Don’t Scare Them

Remember this is a wish list – so over 6’3 Jewish man with blonde hair and green eyes might be a bit too specific. I had a 44-year-old woman client earlier this year. As we were discussing what needed to be emphasized on her dating profile, she gave me nearly 80 descriptive words! Luckily I talked her down to 12 words. She ended up happily dating a 42-year-old architect who would have been scared off by an 80-word list! We laugh about this now, but she eventually showed him the list, and he said there’s no way they would have even made it to the first date had he seen the original dating wish list!

Fools Rush In

Ok, a bit of antiquated phrasing, but once we get your online dating profile on the right online dating site, take a breath. Think yoga. Yes, the replies and reactions are going to come in fast and furious.

Except, no. YOU are looking for the right person and you’ve got to take a step back and not get swept away by all these responses. The key to success: You control the process. You create the dating filters on the dating site. You do the selecting. A proactive approach leads to dating success!


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