Isn’t just straightforward the best way to live? And date! Working daily with clients as an online dating coach, online profile writer, best site researcher for you and choosing your best photos for impact, along with crafting solid, unique messages that get response, I see the mistakes clients make (and many others that are not my online clients as we peruse profiles to find good matches) and help correct them for a win-win.
Here we go:
1. Delayed responses to messages/texts If you are on vacation, your work load is heavy or something else is going on in your life, hide your profile. You don’t want potentially great matches reaching out to you to be met with silence! When online dating, and you see someone who interests you---reach out immediately with a message. It does NOT (sorry, had to reinforce with caps) matter if you are a woman or a man. A man appreciates an initial foray from a woman. Believe me, half of my clients are men!
2. Be vague You are interested. Be specific. “let’s get together sometime”. UGH. No. “How about a coffee on Saturday or Sunday as I’m very interested? Your profile was such fun to read and I loved the photos of your family rafting”.
3. Downloading personal problems No, you are not their therapist. They are not yours. This should never, ever be written in text/messages (why dump your personal baggage in public) and also shouldn’t occur on the first dates.
Just for fun and not at all related to what we are talking about: Yesterday I was online with Karina, a 49-year-old HR exec in Dallas and we came across this profile and here’s a few lines from his profile: (the first part was very enticing so we read on to this:)
“Sometimes I see this whole “Match” process similar to driving by an accident. At first, I took a break to focus on my relocation. However, I could not escape the barrage of emails saying “she viewed your profile” or “she’s interested”. I didn’t want to look but I had to. It’s like Michael Corleone, just when I think I’m out, they drag me back in”.
The Godfather reference cracked us both up---plus he displayed several other examples of his humorous side in his profile without saying “Hey, I’ve got a great sense of humor”.
Just thought I’d share!
4. Distance between you and their family and friends You are dating. You seem to like each other. Barring huge distance with family, by the 5th or 6th date you should now have met at least a friend or two. And vice-versa.
5. Negging You’ve been on a few dates. Putting you down privately or in a group setting is just not ok. It’s a big red flag. Remember they are on their best behavior the first few dates? Just think how much worse this will get. It surely won’t get better. Who needs/deserves this type of treatment?
6. Breaking plans at the last minute OK, of course emergencies come up. But if this becomes a regular thing with thin excuses, time to move on.
7. No award for playing it safe Vulnerability is part of a relationship. But spilling your life history in a text or on the first date is a no-no. As you get to know the person, you will share more and more—and yes it can sometimes make you uncomfortable but openness with the right timing is crucial.
8. Making you jealous or flirting Well, let’s call a spade a spade. This person is insecure. Being friendly to the waitstaff or your friends is just manners---flirting is a whole different thing. There is a thick line that differentiates friendliness from flirting. Now flirting a bit with your date of course is natural and a good thing!
Have a lovely weekend. I’m always here to help. Just schedule a call with me at 702-494-7344 (I live on the East Coast) or online at https://www.33000dates.com
Always excited to chat!
Andrea McGinty Relationship Coach, Dating Coach and Dating Strategist 33000Dates.com Featured In Forbes, NYT, WSJ, Bloomberg, People Magazine, CNN, Today Show and more 702-494-7344
Founder of It's Just Lunch in 1991 (sold)