Feeling the Pressure? After talking with dozens of clients about their dates this week---I kept tally. Over 50% brought up Valentine’s Day and whether or not they had a date…So let’s hit this topic head on, directly and diplomatically. (Ok, one of my clients used these words about me this week…. I think it’s a good thing for a dating coach, yes??”)
As I’m writing this, Queen and David Bowie are blaring in the background with Under Pressure, these lyrics resonated with me (one of my favorite songs for workouts):
Why can't we give love that one more chance? Why can't we give love, give love, give love, give love
'Cause love's such an old fashioned word And love dares you to care for the people on the Edge of the night, and love dares you to Change our way of caring about ourselves
This is our last dance This is our last dance..... This is ourselves
Under pressure Under pressure
No, VD is not your last dance. It’s not your last chance. And ahh, unfortunately it can bring pressure and angst for dating for adults.
Tips for Valentine’s Day Online Dating:
1. A few years ago, I did a Media Tour in NYC where in rapid fire I did 12 Talk Shows ranging from Good Morning, America to Fox to local market news discussing this exact topic. And it was not a lovey-dovey stand that I took. It’s a made-up holiday and it absolutely puts pressure on singles. Pew Research discovered that 62% of singles dreaded the day. Why let the media pressure you?
2. Think about what you really want. Is it a Valentine’s Day Date? Do you really want VD to be your first or second date? Do you want a prix-fixe menu with ridiculous prices and the maître d handing each woman a red rose? Ugh, corny. (And look what I do for a living---I love people finding love---so I’m all about happiness and meeting someone special). Sure, you can hop online---hey, it’s 48 hours away—and probably find a date still. But what’s your end game?
3. Or is it a long-term relationship you are looking for? Each time my clients brought up VD this week, which was my question. The answer: a long-term relationship. Some felt pressure hearing married friends’ plans or thinking of past happy VD’s with their widowed or divorced spouses/partners.
4. If it’s LTR (long-term relationship) you are looking for, I challenge you to be open-minded and approach this as you would a business challenge. Have a goal. A good strategy would be I’d like to meet someone special by May 1. Doable? Absolutely. So, instead of focusing on a short-term goal, now you have a long-term goal that actually gets you what you want: not aimless dates, but a solid relationship with someone special you totally enjoy travel, events, Netflix nights, summer, holidays and just day to day living.
5. Strategy. You need one. After navigating every aspect of online dating with my clients for over 25 years, a good dating coach can help you cut this search to a fraction of what it would be going it alone. Let’s make May 1 your goal. I can help you. Why go it alone? Having an objective pro increases the odds exponentially.
How will you get there? Not by talking to your single friends about their online dating experiences (hey, they are still single, right?) but by goal setting and having accountability. By being on the correct dating site/app for your age, demos and geos. By having great recent photos that LOOK like YOU! A fun profile. Positive messaging skills. A can-do attitude. Self-confidence and a positive attitude will take the pressure off dating, and it will become fun.
As Queen and the great David Bowie sang Why can't we give love that one more chance?
Have an awesome weekend---and let’s get started on your plan on Monday!