Today I want to share with you a few questions that I have received over the past few weeks---both about online dating and dating in general. So, here is a quick intro video to these questions----then on to some suggestions and solutions for singles!
This question surfaces frequently:
1. Do people lie/exaggerate online about their age?
(Or this version: I look great for my age; I am 53 but I’m going to say I’m 45 online. Andrea, what do you think?)
Some do. Most don’t. Over the past 25 years of coaching singles with dating, I have heard it all (or most!). If I could hazard an educated guess after working with over 35,000 clients, I would estimate about 20% do. And to me, it’s a poor practice for two reasons:
· Why start a relationship with a lie? After all, it’s going to come out eventually.
· Own YOU! You are the age you are, with all the wonderful experiences that come along with it. Be secure about yourself, your age, looks, height, weight and you will have a winning combo.
If you look great for your age, guess what? The singles looking at you online will think the exact same thing. As I’m coaching some of my clients and we peruse the menu of date selection on an app/site, I’m constantly reminded of the quality of attractive singles regardless of age!
2. FMO Syndrome (fear of missing out)
Here’s an email that I received this week from a potential client (who is now a client):
“I'm mid 40s and just about the embark on online dating for the first time. Exactly how "honest" and upfront do you suggest? All the profiles I've read makes everyone sound so active and interesting. It's just like my daughter tells me about her social media---everyone is having a great, wonderful life with no problems and she feels bad because she is the only person with problems. Now I'm afraid if I'm honest about my hobbies and interests I will sound boring, and no one will 'click' on me. So do I exaggerate and/or make up hobbies and interests to make myself more attractive?”
No, and no! One of the most difficult issues with navigating online dating alone is writing your profile and selecting the best photos. I mentioned this the other day in an article—two best selling authors who are my clients have told me this was their toughest roadblock---while writing fiction is pretty much a piece of cake for them, trying to be objective and interesting about themselves---well, they were batting zero! They admitted to needing help with their online dating profile.
The important information on your dating profile is that it is presented in an upbeat, positive format. Whether you sky dive, swim with the sharks or paint miniscule furniture for tiny dollhouses, it’s all in the tone of voice used online that makes a single successful. Don’t exaggerate---to use an old phrase “there’s a lid for every pot”!
3. What to do on that first date?
Here’s another email I received this week after this man had taken the Dating Quiz on our site:
“I'm in my 50s and recently widowed. I've been retired for a few years after a highly successful business career. All my hobbies are "expensive hobbies”, and I can afford them, and I live in an expensive neighborhood that most people will recognize by the name. But I do not want anyone trying to date me due to my money. Should I downplay my wealth when I first meet a woman and for the first few dates....by doing low-cost activities?”
The same first date activities will work whether you are a semi-broke college student or a multi-millionaire. For a first date, brunch, lunch, or a drink late in the afternoon are all great one hour “get to know you” activities. And safe. I had one couple meet last week for a first date at the Farmer’s Market at the Ferry Building in San Francisco---not only did they have fun browsing, sampling and chatting, but they both got a good idea of each other’s personalities from interacting with the crowd and vendors.
Yes, they booked a second date (which always makes me happy!).
So, no wheels up at Teterboro to impress her on the first date with your Gulfstream!