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Weird First Dates

You just can’t make this stuff up.  And I have had front row seats every day---for the past 27 years.

What men told me about first dates:

1.      Jon: 47, Boulder, CO:  We had a walk and talk date—I was thrilled because one more sitting-around coffee date was going to put me to sleep.  We grabbed coffee and she led me to a cemetery, with headstones going back to the 1800’s.  Then, she sat down and started sobbing at a random gravestone.  I helped her up---only to have her walk ten feet and repeat. Three more times.  Too bad she was super cute but on the morbid side.


2.       Thomas, 55, Las Vegas:   On our second date, we went to Caesar’s Palace for their amazing upscale buffet.  I watched in amazement as she went back three times and loaded up her plate and ate every single bite.  Hey, I’m all for eating and this is not a “A woman should watch her calories” kind of thing---I mean, we are at a fancy buffet.  But piled high.  I mean like double what a plate holds.  Then she looked at me and said “What?  I just went off Ozempic after losing 75 pounds and my appetite is back.  Ready for the dessert table?”. 


3.      Atticus, 52, Dallas:  We met for our first date at a high-end wine bar at Preston Center.  I knew one of her interests was rodeo and horses.  Her first words to me were “I hope I don’t smell.  I just came from the barn”.  It was 90 degrees out and she smelled like horse manure.  A couple next to us even moved two chairs down the bar. 


4.      Kevin, 66, NYC:   We met after work for drink near Times Square. She did warn me “I’ll be in my work clothes”.  I thought it was an odd comment but…whatever.  As I was sitting at a high top, a lion (yes, a lion in full makeup)  walked over to me and said “Kevin?  You look just like your pictures” and so I had two drinks with an actor in full costume (Yes, it was Lion King.)   I did grab a bit of attention.   At the end of the date, she asked me if I wanted a ticket to that evening’s show. 


5.      Michael, 67, Laguna Beach.  We met for a first date---to go windsurfing.   I’m all about the water and her online profile talked about her advanced skills in paddleboarding, wakeboarding, sailing, windsurfing, etc.  We rent our windsurfers, head out, and it’s pretty obvious she’s never done this in her life.  Her sail is going crazy and suddenly she’s swept far away from me---she couldn’t hear my shouted directions any longer.  Thankfully the Coast Guard rescue saw her and towed her back in.  I stuck to more conventional first dates for a while after that one.


Happy Monday morning!  I hope I made you smile.

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