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Why am I still Single? 

woman with dog and glass of wine

As a dating coach for over 28 years and over 30,000 clients, this is a frequent question I get.  I’m successful, have plenty of friends, a solid social life and interests and when I put my mind to something, I generally accomplish it.

So, why am I still single? Well, let me tell you, it's not because of the universe, or the lack of single men/women, or your age, or where you live. Nope, it's all you!

You're keeping yourself single. You don't work at it, you're stuck in your comfort zone, and you keep procrastinating. It's time to get out there and make it happen! I know, all easy excuses, right?  But those of you who know me and work with me—you know I’m direct (graciously!) because I want you to find a loving, fun, happy relationship.

why am i still single

So, here we go:

1. You slacked off on it.

Yep, slacked. You made it big in your career but that didn’t come magically. You put in the work. You had a game plan. You knew your destination and had a solid strategy. Maybe even had a mentor. It wasn’t just pure luck, right? So why treat dating any differently?


2. Trapped in your Cozy Bubble

You’ve got your routine---a cozy home, walks with your dog, wine nights with girlfriends, and evenings watching sports with your buddies. You’re stuck in a loop and you don’t even see it.


3. Zero plans, All about delaying

You keep saying, "Next month/year I'll find someone. It's my Summer/Fall/New Year Resolution." And we all know how those go! You need some accountability, maybe a cheerleader (who's not a friend) to shake you out of this rut you're in. Think about this: When you pay for golf or tennis lessons, you show up. When you do private Pilates or Yoga, you show up. Why? Because you invested money. You took a step to improve your game or health.

So I ask again: How's dating any different?As you may know, I get monthly research from a top-notch research firm that tracks all sorts of industries---My report yesterday said 52,876 singles in the 40–65-year-old age category signed up for online dating LAST WEEK on ONE DAY on one site alone!   Hey, you know what those numbers do now in the Summer? They rise exponentially!  Yep, normal people like you and me.

4.  Ridiculous Expectations

So, she has to be 5’9, slim, no baggage, athletic, well-traveled, blah blah blah. Shake it off.  We all have baggage---or as I like to call it in our 40s, 50s, 60s+, Life Experience. Stop making lists. Let's focus on what really matters in a relationship. Chemistry, Communication, and Common Values. Who cares if she's 5’7 and skis while you golf? Do you really want to date a carbon copy of yourself? You'll be bored out of your mind.


5. Terror of the Unknown

Uh-oh, scared of online dating or just dipping your toes back into the dating pool in general? I've got the perfect solution. Practice. If you're feeling insecure about dating or just plain nervous, seek help. My prescription? Go on 3-5 dates* in the first month to boost your confidence in the dating scene and make it less intimidating. Seems like a lot? Well, maybe you just need the practice... And who knows, it might even be fun!  (*BTW, ask me about these dates when we talk on the phone for your free 15-minute call)

Because I hear this all the time.


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