You Think It Went Great. They Never Call Again. Here's Why.

I could fill a book with these.

After more than 30 years as a dating strategist, matchmaker, and dating coach, I've heard just about everything. And yet, people still manage to surprise me. There are still moments when my eyes get wide, my jaw practically hits my desk, and I think, "Wait... you actually said that on a first date?"

So, I narrowed it down to just five.

The real question is... do you recognize yourself in any of them?

1. Talking About Yourself for 80% of the Date

Or 90%.

And yes, after coaching singles for 30+ years, I can tell you who usually does it: the men.

I've developed plenty of theories over the years (that's another newsletter), but here's what matters: a first date doesn't have to be a perfect 50/50 conversation. Someone's usually a little nervous, a little chatty, or trying too hard to make a good impression. That's normal.

But if 15–20 minutes have gone by and you still haven't said more than your name, it's time to jump in.

My favorite move? Raise your hand like you're back in middle school and smile.

"Wait! I have to interrupt. I feel like I know so much about you...what would you like to know about me?"

It's playful. It isn't confrontational. And I'd say it works about 75% of the time.

If they smile, ask you a thoughtful question, and the conversation becomes a two-way street, terrific.

If they launch into another 20-minute monologue...

No second date.

Now, full disclosure...this actually happened to me.

After my divorce, I took a four-year break before dating again. My very first online date was with a handsome plastic surgeon. Nice guy. Brilliant surgeon. Olympic-level talker.

About 20 minutes in, I thought, "Well, if I'm not getting a date, I might as well get a free consultation."

So I started asking about skincare, lasers, fillers, new procedures...and walked away with better skin advice than most people pay hundreds of dollars for.

Sometimes the best dating strategy is simply reframing the experience.

2. TMI: Turning the Conversation Negative

No, your first date is not the time to discuss...

• Your ex-wife.

• Your custody battle.

• Your miserable marriage.

• Your online dating horror stories.

• Your knee replacement.

• Your digestive issues.

• Your political opinions.

• 
  

Just last week, I had two clients do exactly this.

Their defense?

"I just wanted to be honest."

My response?

Wonderful. Save that level of honesty for Date #5.

Honesty is essential in a relationship.

Timing is equally essential.

3. Treating the Date Like a Job Interview

This is one of the reasons I'm not a fan of coffee dates.

Something about sitting across from each other with paper cups seems to inspire questions like:

"What are you looking for?"

"Where do you see yourself in five years?"

"How has dating been going for you?"

Really?

There are literally thousands of more interesting things to talk about.

And if someone asks, "So...how's online dating been going?"

Here's the answer I coach my clients to give:

"Great! I've met some really interesting people."

Smile.

Change the subject.

Why?

Because you're both sitting on a first date.

We already know you're both single.

No further investigation required.

4. Trying to Impress Instead of Trying to Connect

Too many people show up trying to win the interview.

Wrong goal.

Your degrees, your income, your vacation home, your marathon medals, your wine collection...

None of those create chemistry.

Curiosity does.

Humor does.

Listening does.

The people who get the most second dates aren't necessarily the most impressive people.

They're the people who make someone else feel interesting.

5. Looking Everywhere...Except at Your Date

This one is amazingly common.

Checking your phone.

Watching the game over their shoulder.

Scanning the restaurant every 30 seconds.

Making eye contact with the server more than your date.

Put. The. Phone. Away.

Give the person sitting across from you the greatest gift you can give another human being...

Your complete attention.

Who knows?

He/She just might be the best thing that's happened to you all year.

Dating isn't about being perfect.

It's about making the person across the table think,

"I'd like another hour with this person."

Do that consistently, and your second-date percentage will skyrocket.

Happy dating!

xx, Andrea McGinty

30+ Years experience |  10,200+ marriages | 65% Success rate | Founder, It’s Just Lunch (sold) |  Founder, 33000Dates.com