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15 Tips: Improve your Conversation Skills

1. Read a lot Not only does it improve your vocabulary, but it makes you more interesting.

2. Spokes Method I’m a fan of this technique. Ok, think of a bicycle wheel. You have the hub, then the spokes. You are on a first date; he mentions he’s a huge football fan and starts talking about the Patriots and the great loss a few years ago of Tom Brady. You know absolutely zero about football, TB and you’re not from Boston. He’s in the hub---you jump to the spoke. “Oh, I grew up in Toronto where hockey was the sport. Ever been to a hockey game”? You easily steered the conversation away from just football, without acknowledging that you know nothing about football. This strategy works for many topics!

3. Interrupt politely Last week, my client Amelia was on a first date with a pilot----who went on and on for 20 minutes about flying. She jumped in during a tiny pause in the conversation and said “Wow, I feel like I know so much about you. What would you like to know about me?” It worked---and probably saved the date!

4. Listen actively Nope, you’re not thinking about what you are going to say next because you are present.

5. Read into sentences Kayla comments over a beer on a first date, “Oh, I pray it doesn’t rain tomorrow as I have a pickleball match then a pool party”. She just told you a few things about herself: a.) she plays pickleball, b.) using the word “pray” signifies perhaps she has a belief in God or religion and c.) that she is social.

6. Tone Yes, words tell us quite a bit, but the tone conveys excitement, boredom, frustration, happiness and much more.

7. Don’t hesitate A pause is fine---but you want to exude confidence. Confidence is sexy!

8. Scan the news Current events are always a good topic for first dates. Esp. positive stories/unique stories.

9. Facial expression Crucial---except in a game of poker! A smile goes a long way.

10. Engage He’s a computer nerd (and you’re not)---an easy question is “What do you think of AI?”

11. Empathy Sometimes people mix this term up with sympathy. Empathy is simply the ability to understand and share the feeling of another.

12. Be concise Ok, we all tell stories---but a long rambling story is a …. bore.

13. Fact disclosure Share a little bit of information about yourself, but nothing you wouldn’t like to see quoted about you the next day online/Facebook/Instagram.

14. Sincere compliments These reap benefits and can set the other person at ease. “Oh, I love your sunglasses---may I ask where you got them”? Stay away from looks ---- I can’t tell you how many online compliments I see that are “Wow, you’re gorgeous” or “Great body—you must work out a lot” ---Yuk. And ick. Prior to a date on an online dating site: I have a female client who is quite accomplished in the business world. While her profile did talk a bit about career, it was by no means boastful. She had several messages from men complimenting her on her business success. The guy who got her? Here was his message “Wow, you actually host Thanksgiving for 40 people and do all the cooking yourself? Now I find that an accomplishment”. She loved that comment---and those two have been together a year now.

15. Use body language

The stats are something like---80% of communication is body language, 20% words. Fidgeting with your phone, looking around the room, poor eye contact, arms crossed are all signs that you are uncomfortable and don’t want to be here.

Need help with writing an effective online dating profile? Or sending unique messages online that get responses and dates? That’s what I do ….6 days a week for over 25 years and love it! I’m just a free 15-minute phone call away. Why not find out if I’m a good fit for you?

Happy July Dating!


Andrea (and Luna) Https:// Founder, It’s Just Lunch (sold)

702-494-7344 (I’m on the East Coast)

Things I provide: Dating consulting services for ages 25-75, help with navigating all aspects of online dating, writing your dating profile, weekly online dating coaching calls, and vetting those all-important online photos! Oh, and finding you the right dating site for your demographic and geographic area!


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