We all have heard this: “Can’t see the forest through the trees”. It happens to all of us. It’s an expression used of someone who it too involved in the details of a problem to look at the situation as a whole. Often it takes a close confidant, a business partner…or a dating consultant to fully see the forest. So, are you bombing online dating?
Here’s 5 signs your trees are overwhelming, meaning, your situation is skewing your online dating results:
1. You didn’t go on 4-5 first dates in the past 30 days.
That would be the minimum. Most people don’t use online dating just to “date” randomly. As a dating coach, 95% are looking for a relationship. And, a first date is not a Zoom call, Facetime call, or barrage of texts. It only happens in real life!
2. You think each first date you choose should be perfect, or at least 90% perfect on paper.
Never going to happen. What if she’s 75% what you want? Are you going to skip her? No, no, no. I am NEVER going to tell you to settle. Ever. But, you are looking at her online---you haven’t met in person. So, yes, you go for it. Only by meeting in person will you see if there is chemistry, communication and similar core values.
3. No skin in the game.
You are using free dating sites like Facebook, Tinder and scores of others exclusively. Didn’t your Dad tell you nothing in life is free? Or how about me, your dating coach, saying Free gets you exactly what you paid for. Nothing. Do you think there is high quality in free? Do you shop at Goodwill or Neiman’s?
4. You look at your dating sites (that you paid for) once a week.
Ok, I think you are not serious about dating. Or burnt out. Or don’t know where to start. Online dating is a fast game. You snooze, you lose. You need help. Like a firefighter pulling you from a burning building. An objective, upbeat dating consultant will pull you out of this funk, be encouraging. Get you on the right site with the right dating candidates. I remind my clients constantly; it only takes one. That’s how I got to over 5,100 marriages.
5. Stop making excuses.
I’m traveling a lot. I’m on vacation for 3 weeks. Work is busy. I’ll wait ‘til fall. (why miss all those fun summer events, bbq’s, boating, the outdoors?) Sure, you can tell yourself these are the reasons you are not dating…but I work with super busy people and they make dating a priority. Just like they make a trip to Ibiza a priority, work a priority, seeing family in London a priority. Time to get your personal priorities straight. Now. Wouldn’t a vacation with someone you are in a relationship with be lovely?
But it all starts with a First Date. Ready to start? I am!
Love & Laughter,
Dating Coach and Dating Consultant for 25 Years
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