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5 Tips to Win at Online Dating

On a daily basis, as a dating coach, I hear success stories about online dating, and also complaints. It’s exhausting. There are no quality people. I don’t get responses. He/she never called. I’m giving up. I want to meet someone the “normal” way.

Guess what? Online dating in the 2020’s is the normal way! 128 million singles over 21. 48% of the US single. The odd gods are on your side.

Maybe it’s time to consider you are not doing it the right way---or your attitude is holding you back!

So, let’s go:

1. You snooze, you lose Cyber dating is a fast played game. Signing up a for a dating site, investing your time and energy into an interesting profile----then you check in 1-2 times per week. NO! You’ve committed, now it’s time to put 15-20 minutes into online dating each day. You receive several messages---then take 4 days to reply. Good chance they’ve moved on! Reply immediately, keep the conversation going, then let’s get to that first in-real-life date.

2. Skip the phone calls Yes, I think the majority of the time they are a waste of time. Chemistry happens in real life---not on a 20-minute phone call. After a few messages are exchanges back and forth, book that lunch, coffee or drink date. C’mon—it’s safe. It’s not like you’re going camping together for the first date!

3. No time to be coy (or shy) I’m perplexed by the number of people who send a smile, wink, like, heart. That’s passive. All you’ve done is thrown the ball back into the other person’s court---leaving all the decision making up to them on whether or not to respond. And if the other person is getting real messages, he/she is apt to just ignore yours. After all, your effort level was a zero.


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4. Give a “which” day works Ok, you’ve exchanged a few messages---you have things in common and the messages have been fun and engaging. Here I am confused once more when one interested party sends this message “We should get together sometime”. What? That reeks of minimal interest, or lack of confidence. How about this? “Let’s definitely get together this week---does Saturday lunch or late Sunday afternoon drinks work?’. Specific. It says I want to meet you and I’m making time. And not in the distant future!

Remember what I said about online dating being a fast played game? No need for hesitation. This message says I’m confident you’d like to meet me. (BTW, this message is equally sent by both sexes---gone are the days the man must do the asking!).

5. Be natural—be you What’s the formula for a great message/response? There is none. Each person is different. “Wow, Jon, I can think of 6 things we have in common---plus our dogs are just adorable. How’s lunch Tuesday or Wednesday? I know a great taco spot nearby”. Or “Avo toast? There’s a new place that serves it 25 different ways—It’s seriously yummy. How brunch tomorrow? I’m pretty flex on time tomorrow”. Both replies are enthusiastic and tag back to something they were messaging about.

Notice anything? No phone call. Why? Because you don’t need one. Bonus tip: Before your date, offer up your cell phone number in case they need to reach you---running late, stuck in traffic----it’s just easier than having to go back on the dating app!

Love & Laughter,



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