As an online dating coach, I get the same questions constantly, and rightfully so! Here is the usual rundown:
· Which dating site/app if best for me?
· Are there any good men (women) out there?
· Why would a successful, sincere man (woman) need online dating?
· Are they all looking for hookups?
As an online dating expert for over 20+ years, I could tell some incredible stories, both great and not so great. But what I know to be true----and this isn’t all unicorns and rainbows, 99% of success with your goals of online dating are going to be due to two factors: your attitude and your strategy.
Attitude: If you are diving into the world of online dating with a smile on your face, a sense of humor and low expectations, this can be a winning recipe! Why low expectations? Isn’t that negative? NO, it’s not. High expectations will just bury you in the online dating world and disappoint daily. You need an adventurous spirit----even if your goal is a LTR or marriage, your only goal on the first date is “would I like another with this person”? That’s it. While I can help with writing online dating profiles, I can't help with attitude!
Your Strategy: Exactly, how am I going to go about this new adventure? Will I discuss this with family and friends? (I hope not, unless they got married through online dating!). Will I join every site/app and just throw it at the wall and see if it sticks? Hmmm, might be overwhelming and turn into a full-time job. Should I hire a dating coach? This may be a good idea but do talk to them first to see how they strategize and your comfort level chatting with them.
1. Which dating site/app is best for me?
This will depend on many factors: your age, geographics and goals. The site I recommend for a 62-year-old female client in New Jersey will generally be quite different than a dating app I may refer to a 50-year-old male client in San Diego. Dating sites can be exceedingly popular in one part of the country---and nearly devoid of members in another! Case in point: Bumble has been the new buzzy dating app and while I have 6 clients dating seriously someone they met on the app, I also have 4 clients who in their geo area, Bumble just does not have critical mass (yet) and they ran out of potential dates after 2 swipes!
2. Are there any good men/women out there? They must all be taken…..Again, I laugh at this one though it tends to be women who ask this question slightly more than men. When I look at the singles in their 40’s -60’s, most of them became single due to divorce, possibly widowed, etc. and tended over the years of marriage to socialize with married couples. So, we do tend to get stuck in our small circle of friends and not be able to see the bigger picture. Online dating can be extremely encouraging (if you are on the right dating sites/apps) when you get to see the vast quantity and quality of singles out there in cyberspace!
3. So, why does a successful single need online dating? One particularly good reason is the best chance that you are going to meet someone for a long-term relationship is online. You are out of college, finished graduate school, perhaps don’t want to date in your workplace----we just eliminated the largest numbers of people you come in contact on a daily basis. Successful singles aren’t spending the time in bars either!
4. Are they looking for hookups, to scam you, sex? Some, perhaps, but not the vast majority. The clients I work with are looking for quality partners. They are paying for both my service and online services. When they need something done for their personal life, they seek help. A good housekeeper. A motivating personal trainer. Instacart to shop. A yoga instructor. A dog walker. And the list goes on and on!
I feel very strongly to get the best results with online dating, a great attitude is needed (that’s you!) and a strong strategy (that’s me, or an experienced dating expert). So, what is the downside to speaking with an online dating expert, having them write your online dating profile, recommend the right dating sites for you, vet your photos for the biggest pop online and provide ongoing coaching and feedback to you as you begin this exciting adventure? What could you potentially lose? Your single life!