One of my 35 coaching calls last week was with a new client, 39-year-old Emma* in NYC. On zoom, she told me about her ex-boyfriend, a firefighter. How did she meet him? A kitchen fire in her co-op! Let’s call this pure luck, right---two people from two very different worlds meeting by her door being broken down. Almost sounds like a Lifetime holiday movie
But in reality, there is no one knocking on doors for dates.
You need a Strategy, a Plan---nothing amazing comes in life without a bit of forethought. Ok, even winning Powerball you had to go buy the ticket right?
So, let’s talk about your Five Point Online Dating Strategy:
1. A timeline: when would you like to meet him/her? If you are thinking after the holidays, say, around, January 15th, you don’t wake up on January 15th and say let’s go! Some thought and preparation are needed before your online dating debut.
(Or you are online already, well, it’s time to clean up that profile and photos to freshen you up). Let’s see; it’s December 11 today and you should start planning your timeline no later than December 15 as you have some prep work to do.
2. Time to make a List. This is uber important: write down your values. What qualities you admire in a person. A type of look you are attracted to. Type of personality. Kids or no kids? What are your most outstanding qualities? If this one is hard to answer, ask your two best friends and I assure you they will give you the answers. As a dating coach with a high success rate, these are questions I will ask you as I craft your online dating profile and the right dating site for you.
3. Action Plan. You don’t get in shape by hanging ornaments on a tree. Working with successful singles, it seems you have all had a strategy for your career, staying in shape, being healthy. If you work on your personal life with the same gusto you put into your professional life, we will have success. I’m sure we’ve all tried things to get into shape---running, triathlons, swimming, Pilates, weigh training, martial arts---Some worked for you, others not so much. That’s why a good action plan identifies 2-3 dating sites that will help you achieve your goals—not one! Most of my clients end up in 3 dating sites before we are finished---and over 60% meet someone they really like!
4. Boundaries. Maybe you have two homes. Yes, great, date in both places. A recent client of mine, Michael*, a 59-year-old tech entrepreneur who lives in Las Vegas was not finding the quality of woman he’d like to meet there. He expanded his search to San Diego (where he has an office, and voila!, now he is dating someone he likes!). You spend the winter in Hawaii or South Florida---yes, do date there too. However, if you are going to visit friends for a week in Savannah, skip the dating there unless you are truly thinking of relocating to that area. So, do think about this, am I truly in the position to move because this is genuinely a place I’d like to live versus just chasing down one relationship?
5. What are you looking for? This tends to fall into 3 categories:
a. A companion to share activities such as travel together
b. A long-term relationship/live together
c. Marriage
Once you know this, it will be so much easier for me to help you achieve your personal goals. Most clients tend to fall into the last 2 categories. One I did skip is that you may just want to date frequently as you are recently widowed or divorced. This quickly changes over time once you get the practice dating after a 25-year marriage---to one of the 3 items listed above.
If January is your goal to begin dating, try a little introspection now. It will make it so much easier for me to help you achieve your goals. Hey, lots of us had a Mentor in business or a Board of Directors to guide us, that’s exactly what I do as a dating coach for you---navigate all aspects of online dating---from our 1 hour zoom call, writing your profile, selecting photos of you, choosing the rights sites for you to be on to coaching you on responses to ensure high quality first dates.
My next article will be about one of my favorite clients---she kissed a lot of frogs—and you’ll hear where she is at now. (it’s good!) One of the reasons I enjoy my work so much is that I meet you when you are single and sometimes discouraged, sometimes excited---then a few months fly by and I get so excited for you. My 16-year-old daughter does too---she overhears some of my calls, then the other night I showed her a photo that a client sent me of her, and her boyfriend at a holiday party---she was just as excited as me. Though she seemed a bit more focused on my client’s darling dress!
*Both names have been changed
Love and Happy Holidays, Andrea
Andrea McGinty is the Founder of It’s Just Lunch which she built to 110 locations before selling to a private equity firm .In the 2010’ s she realized online dating had the largest pool of eligible singles and turned her dating strategies to focus only on online dating. Hence, 33000Dates was born. She has been coaching clients on dating since pre-online dating and spends her time helping clients navigate online dating, writing their dating profiles and much more---she does the work, so you can have the fun!
She’s been featured on Oprah, People, Today Show, WSJ, NYT and Forbes as America’s premier dating expert.