Working with singles every day for over 25 years as a dating counselor, I hear the same comments about online dating. It can range from “There’s nobody online I like” to “It’s exhausting looking for dates” to “There are no good men/women online’. With over 60% of my clients dating someone they really like, it’s time to debunk this theory.
Let’s reframe this! The largest dating pool is out there in cyberspace---whether you are 21 or 75! How else could 1 of 3 couples who married in 2020 met online? That’s research---not a claim by dating sites!
We will get to the 50/50 mistake in a minute. 50/50 is sitting on the fence wasting your valuable dating opportunities.
Understand that dating online is not a long, leisurely game of golf. It’s Pickleball---a fast game and you need to understand the rules.
Let me explain a little how I work with my clients and have first-hand knowledge of this. Once a client is up and running (not walking) online, I log in with them and go through potential matches. It’s especially fun for me when they tell me there is no one on this site for them!
So, I’ll take you through the process of the 50/50 mistake: (Or, watch my library of two-minute videos about this. Click Here! )
1. We get online together and I immediately guide them to the search functions that most dating sites/dating apps have. NO, we don’t even look at the people who have liked them or sent inept messages.
2. As we look through potential dates via search, I’ll identify high potential matches. First, we make sure they are a subscriber (don’t waste time with anyone who has not paid), take a quick look at their photos, then read their profile. This takes about 90 seconds…. seriously!
3. Generally, my client says something like “I like all her photos except number 7” or “Maybe”. Huh? What’s maybe mean?
4. Then, they want to “save” them to look at later. Again, this is not a slow game of golf and if you are on the fence---hence my 50/50 rule, you are going to reach out.
5. By reaching out, I don’t mean a like, rose, star or checkmark. What’s the person on the receiving end supposed to do with this? Like a 4-year-old, we need to use words to express our interest. Men’s number #1 complaint with online dating is getting a like with no message. Hey, this is the 21st century!
And, guess what? If you don’t respond in the here and now, this person is gone forever. You will get overwhelmed with other choices and totally forget he/she had a 50/50 shot of you liking them.
And, don’t you like 50/50 odds? No one is going to be 100%, even 90%. So, you need to get rid of romantic notions that there is a 9/10 or 10/10 just waiting for you to find them.
Another comments from clients “Oh, I don’t have time to message people I think I only have a 50% chance of liking”. Guess what? Your online success prognosis is dismal!
6. Practice makes perfect. That’s why I spend much time helping clients craft short, personal messages. If you know me, there is no “Hi, how’s your day going”? If I got that response, it’s an instant delete/block. That tells me the person doesn’t really care or is burnt out online.
7. 50/50 On the Fence Matches should take you a total of 2 minutes to respond. Really?
Yes, I have it down to an art/science with my clients. And they are simple and easy---and will resonate with the person getting the message.
Want to learn how to have more high-quality-dates and high-quality-responses? Call me and I’ll let you know in under 10 minutes if I am a good fit for you. 702-494-7344
I’m so happy when my clients find someone, get engaged, end up in a LTR----and I can cut through the overwhelming choices online and make it fun and easy for you!
Oh, watch my library of two-minute videos too! Click Here!
Life, Love & Laughter,