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To Text or Not To Text?

After a first date, this is the number one question I receive while coaching my online dating clients! Just like we have the right to vote, we have the right to text first. Plus, men say this is a definite turn-on!

If you want another date, how long should you wait to text after the first date?

You should not wait at all – go for it! After the date wraps, text a few hours later. We're done playing games and live in an instant gratification society, so there's no more fooling around. You don't have to call to say you had a great time – technology makes it so easy.

Can this time-frame change for any reason, or is this the foolproof time-frame?

95% of the time, texting a few hours after the date is absolutely appropriate. The only circumstance where you wouldn't want to text soon after would be if they tell you something personal is happening later that day, and even then, you can incorporate this into your message.

Why is this the best amount of time to wait?

Texting a few hours after the date shows you appreciate the person's time, and you enjoy their company. Why keep the person wondering? And here's a stat for the ladies – out of 752 single men surveyed by 33 Thousand Dates, 84% like when a woman responds the same day as the first date.

What should you include in your text?

Keep it light and fun, and cover a few points: thank them for their time, reference something you enjoyed talking about, and suggest something to do on the second date based on what you two discussed.

Does it matter who texts first after the date?

No, it's 2020! Again, we don't play games, we text immediately, man or woman – women have the right to vote, and they have the right to text first. One of men's biggest complaints with online dating is that they always have to make the first and second moves. Also, they really like when the woman responds quickly. In life and in dating, the sexes are equal – it's a 50/50 deal.

Can you put someone off by texting them too early or too late?

By texting someone too late, you show a lack of manners, urgency, and interest – and it seems like you're weighing other options before deciding whether to pursue, especially now that we have endless prospects on dating apps and sites. Obviously, don't text as the person is walking out of the restaurant, but waiting too long sends a bad signal. Also, once the person responds, don't take another day to respond back – that's a turn off, too!

Should you text if you don't necessarily want a second date?

There are two paths:

  1. You had a nice time, but there was no chemistry. Don't keep the other person on the line – thank them for their time, and wish them the best of luck with their dating ventures.

  2. Your date has already texted you eagerly with suggestions for second date activities, but you're not sure whether you want another date. The best response here is something along the lines of "I really liked getting to know you, but I just got back on the dating scene and want to explore what's out there."

What other tips do you have for texting someone after a first date?

  1. Don't text after 10-11pm at night – it might signal you're getting too cozy with your glass of wine, so save it for morning. And, in general, try not to text when you're drinking because your message may end up sloppy, or you might reveal a little too much information.

  2. Always try to reference something specific in your first few messages – it shows you're interested and that you listened! For example, they said they're really into The Queen's Gambit on Netflix – you can include something along the lines of, "OMG, just looked up Queen's Gambit, binging this weekend!"

  3. Do not send photos – your date just saw you, and they likely have access to your dating profile. It's a turn off to send a barrage of photos.

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